9.1
Sawyer explained to me about the Metrorail system and how I was supposed to get from the hospital to Violet Square; where the club the explosion had been was. I listened quietly because I knew this was important for him but honestly I was afraid; it was getting late and I had no idea where I was going.
“What if I get hurt ?,” I asked, “You didn’t even want me to take the bus here.”
“I know,” he said
I waited for him to answer me
“Do you believe in God, Julie ?” He asked
“What ?”
I heard the door open behind us, a woman in pink scrubs was coming towards us.
“I’m sorry but, I need to change the bandages, dear” she said, sweetly
“You need to go now,” Saywer said eyeing me above the nurse.
“I’ll be back later,” I said.
As I walked out I watched as the nurse took off the bandages, the skin looked red on the outside with small blister and the texture was . . . off.
As I opened the door to leave the room I felt some resistance and pushed harder causing me to run into a woman infront of the door.
“I’m sorry, “ I apologized.
I looked at here to to see there were tears in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry Are you okay ?” I asked.
“No,it wasn’t you, I’ve been crying all night,” She said forcing a smile, waving her face “Are you okay ?”
“Yes, I’m sorry again,”I said and headed on my way.
I saw a police officer coming down the hallway. Was he going to take Sawyer away ?
I paused as I watched him come closer and closer to Sawyers room
“Was the person you were visiting from the explosion downtown ?,” The woman asked seeing that I was still standing next to her
“Um, yes.”
“It’s hard I know, “ she said, “I’ve never been in a burn unit, it’s bad, isn’t it ? ”
“Yes.” I said, “Unfortunate.”
“My husband is in 12B, he was one of the fireman , he wasn’t even supposed to be in there but they are stretched at the station. I guess it comes with the territory. I always feared this day,” she said under her breath.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
“No, it’s fine.” She said wiping her eyes and checking her cellphone, “Sorry to dump that on you, I had to get that out, thanks for listening.”
“It’s okay.” I said
I saw the officer come up to us.
Did he want me.
“Miriam, how’s Phil ?” he asked the woman
“They said he has 40% coverage, you are the first one here. I’m just freaking out. Are you working this ?” She said to him, giving him a hug.
“Yeah, but I couldn’t leave you alone,” he comforted her
“I’m doing okay I was just telling my new friend here about Phil,” she said
The police officer, Officer Morris according to his name tag turned to me
”They have a great burn unit here,” he assured me.
“Thanks,” I said,” I have to go.”
“Of course.” The woman said
I made a quick line to the hospital doors and tried to make that moment disappear. That woman’s husband was a hero and did that make Sawyer was one of the bad guys ? Is that what that meant ?
I made it outside, and looked at the signs. A sign pointing left had the Metrorail logo on it. I walked down the street until I saw a station in the distance.
I got on to the escalator going down to the train station and using the money left over from the cab driver I paid for my fair.
There were clumps and pairs of people on the metro station waiting on the train. I felt like they were all a threat staring at me as I sat on the bench alone.
I had been on an underground train once before on a trip into Ohio my parents had went on. We were in a large group though, it was very different when it was just you. I heard the screaming of the Violet line as it pulled into the station.
Violet Line to Violet
Square.
That was easy enough to remember, I boarded the train.
Once I got in, the train wasmore crowded but, I found lone seat near the exit. I watched as the bright lights, tall building and large palm trees rushed by stop after stop
University Plaza
Santa Clara
Government Center
I wanted to get off at one of those stops and then just take another train and get lost in the city. I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I didn’t even know if I could deal with this to begin with.
The conducter called Violet Square was next and after that South Miami. As the train pulled to the station I considered if I was going to get off or not.
What was in South Miami, anyway ?
When the doors opened I sighed a breath and exited the train and went out of the station.
I found myself on a block filled with girls in mini dresses and heels attached to gorgeous men walking on sidewalks bordered with a variety of buildings sporting names like Sky Bar and Penthouse.Some of the building fronts looked fancy with colorful panes and people in costumes outside while some where made up to be more subtle but, still had guards and a lines outside. I did a 360 looking at each building until I saw a darker area on the corner.
There were no people but, lots of cars parked by.
That must be the place.
As I got closer I saw a police cars and yellow tape, the area was crawling with news cameras and officials. I walked over and got as near as I could to the wreckage.
The front of the building seemed to be pretty intact but, the lights were out, the back of the building however was showing it’s guts. There seemd to be a mini press conference going on with the police so I decided to try the easiest way to look for the ledger so I walked over to the edge and looked around. This was impossible, it was too dark.
How was I going to find one book ?
“What do you think you are doing, ?” I heard someone shout behind me.
I turned to see one of the cops coming towards me.
“I need to find something.” I said
He looked me up and down.
“Do you know anything about happened here ?”
“No, I-” And then I had a lie on my tounge ready to go.
I thought about what I was going to say next and I knew it was going to kill any part of the good person within me.
“My husband was a firefighter, he is in the hospital and he wears his wedding ring on a chain and he lost it here. I’m not sure if he will make it, I need to find it, please.” I lied, I almost believed myself.
“We just finished up collecting anything still in tact.” The officer said in a calmer tone. “Everything we have from the site has been boxed up and is on it’s way to the station as evidence.”
“I know but, he may not make it through the night and I want him to be wearing it, please.” I begged.
The officer gave me a sympathetic look and talked on his radio for a few moments.
“It looks like the boxes are with Officer Morris, he is taking to the station, they’ll let you look through, do you want me to give you a ride ?”
Officer Morris, I had seen him at the hospital.
“No, it’s okay , thank you so much.” I said
“Sure thing . What’s your name so, I can tell them who to wait for you at the station ?”
“Julia Miller,” I told him.
“Hey, I’m so sorry about your husband,”
“Thanks.” I said and slowly walked away from the wreckage.
When I was out of the view of the officer I ran back to the Metro station and was at the platform just as the train pulled in.
I took a seat quickly and put my head down, I wanted throw up from the lie, I was a terrible person and I wanted to disconnect from it. I told myself to relax.
All we had to do was get over this hump and we’d be fine things will go back to how they were. This is a minor bump in the road.
I got back to the hospital in 20 minutes and saw through the window that the Officer Morris was still talking to the woman, Miriam from earlier. I looked around the parking lot and only saw one police car. In the backseat there was a box.
I tried the door, it was locked. I looked around the parking lot was empty.
How was I supposed to do this ?
I tried looking in other cars in the lot for something but, most of them were locked except for a van but it was also empty.
I only really knew of one way to do this.
I looked around the parking lot for something . . . anything.
And then I saw it.
A broken chair by the curb.
I pried the hanging leg off the chair and without taking a second to think about it, I smashed the window. I knew the alarm was going off but, I couldn’t hear it, I reached in for the box, ignoring the tiny sticks and ran as fast as I could to the open van. When I got inside I locked the doors and hid on the floor. As soon as I shut the door I heard footsteps near the car.
And I waited.
I waited an hour and a half as I heard a chorus of voices and radios as they searched the area. I felt tiny itches on my arm where the skin had been nicked by the glass but over all I was okay.
When I was sure it was silent I got out and headed for the bus stop.
I got back to the Inn an hour later and looked through the box.
There were lots of small bags filled with little crystals, small glass cylinders with specks of color that were actually beautiful and needles. I looked through until I saw what looked like the remains of a book.
The pages were charred but there was writing in it. I realized I didn’t even know if that was Sawyer’s handwriting but, it was the only book in there.
I opened the back of the book like Sawyer had told and there was a key.
I got up and went to the duffel bag in the closet and used the key to take the tiny lock off the zipper. The bag was filled with blister packs of powders medicine bottles and containers of liquid. I put the ledger in the duffel bag and was about to lock it back up when I saw knit clutch t that had been mine. I thought we had sold it. It was filled with money.
I did the quick math in my head $7,400 give or take. That was almost what we had in the lock box only this was from a week and a half of whatever Sawyer had been doing.
What was I supposed to think about this ? Wasn’t this evidence too ? Should I destroy it ?
Sawyer had told me some of the chemicals were very dangerous and I shouldn’t touch them but, I couldn’t leave what was in the evidence box sitting out.
I did a little reorganizing and put all the money into the lock box , put all the chemicals into the hotel safe and put everything in the evidence box in the locked duffel bag.
Now, I had to head back to the hospital to see if I could get Sawyer out.
I went through the back of the hospital , hoping no one had seen what I did, earlier
I made my way back to his room but, there was a girl who looked around my age outside in scrubs.
“Can I go inside ?” I asked
“No, they are changing the bandages, “
Again ? I wondered how often they need to be changed
“Are you a friend ?,” she asked
“Yes,” I said, ”of the man with the curly hair . . .is he going to be okay ?”
“He should be fine, it is just over 10%. We just have to keep him here so we can make sure he is getting the fluids he needs, through the IV.”
“How long is he going to be in here ?” I asked.
“Well, we need to wait 24 hours at the least, make sure there is no chance of infection. My name is Rachel by the way I’m a student nurse”
“Juliana,” I said.
I wondered if she knew Sawyer was chained to the bed and what he had done.
Ws she was judging me ? If she only knew.
We stood outside for a few more minutes when another nurse came out and I was allowed inside
I gave a smile to the guard and walked to Sawyer’s bed, his eyes were half open.
“You did it ?” He asked
Hello to you too.
“Yes.”I said, “How did you get all that stuff, I saw in the room ? The powders and things”
“I was desperate.” He said,” I stole it. Ironically enough from this hospital”
“How ?”
He rolled his eyes
“The moonlighting pharmacist here is a meth user and he gave it to us.”
“Who is us ?”
“Some guys . . . I’ve known, are really into the party scene and I just kind of met a few people.“
“I don’t get it,”I said, “What is it, anyway ? Meth ?”
“Not now, I need to get out of here first.”
“I want to know,” I said, “How did you make so much money ?”
“Simple terms ? Methamphetamines or crystal meth is like a mix of a bunch of stuff that could actually kill you lithium, psuedopherderine, red phosphorus-“
“Simple terms ?”
He sighed, “ Um, the stuff in batteries, cold medicine and a poisonous gas, among other things. When it is made right it makes a drug that is like this addictive nirvana state or something and people get addicted. If you steal enough to make 50 grams, and break it into 2 gram chunks for 20 dollars you just made a 500 dollars.”
“And it does this to you ?” I asked,looking at his state.
“Not exactly, look I don’t have time to explain this all to you. We need to get out of here.”
“I can’t,” I said.
I knew I was going to say that from the moment I walked in.
“You might get worse; you have to be here atleast 24 hours” I said, remembering what the student nurse had said
“No, Julie,” he said to me. “They haven’t taken my fingerprints yet, I need to get out of here before they do. They will find my name, go to the Diner, the hotel. And who knows what they will think of that 10,00 dollar bank loan. And If Caine gets word of this--which he will we are both screwed.”
Sawyer was right but, there had to be a better way.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “ I can’t break anymore laws today,”
“Dammit, Julie, I am not playing with you this is not the time”
“The nurse said, you have to be here at least 24 hours, so I’ll come back.”
“Julie, forget what she said, I can’t pay for this as it is.”
I got out of the chair and headed for the door.
“I’ll come back tomorrow.”
It was hard to walk out of the room, I was afraid of Sawyer going to jail and if this turned out bad it would all be on my decision but, I kept walking until I was back at the bus stop and finally back at the Inn.
Despite my guilt and worry, the minute I hit the bed I fell asleep.
9.2
I woke up to the sound of a muffled television, it sounded like it was coming from down the hall. I felt a warmth on my face. I looked up, the sun was out. I stole a glance at the clock it was 4 PM
I was supposed to be getting off work in 4 hours.
I got up and ran to the closet to look for clothes and my foot hit the hard safe. As I tried to push the small safe back to it's place I felt a cold feeling on my foot, I looked down.
A brownish liquid was leaking out of the safe I moved my foot away, there was no pain so I rinsed it under cold water, put my sock and sneakers on over it and headed for the bus.
What lie could I tell Sid ?
I got to the Diner and went straight to through the back door , Sid jumped as soon as he saw me.
“Jesus Christ !” he shouted.
There was a girl sitting behind his desk, eating a plate of steamed vegetables.
Looks like they do specially cook food for some people
“Sorry,”
“You know only the manager can use that door, right ?” he said
I didn’t
“Sorry,”
He looked over at the woman.
“I’ll just go outside,” she said
Sid, quickly hit the mouse on his computer and then turned to me
“Where were you, this morning ? I looked for a number to call you and there wasn’t on in your file except, Sawyer’s which he isn’t picking up. Do you know this kind of constant insubordination for rules just because your husband used to run the place, I mean you should be fired and—do you smell cat piss ?”
Something did smell strong.
“ I spilled something this morning” I said.
He looked at me
“on my foot,”I explained
I saw some sympathy or understanding in his face.
“ Why don’t you take your shoes off and put them outside.”
I did.
When I got back inside Sid was grimacing
“So, Mr.Goody two shoes dragged you down with him ?”
I shrugged.
“I knew Sawyer said he was getting drugs for a party, I had no idea he was cooking them because that--,” he chuckled, “Now that is really illegal.”
I didn’t say anything
“That smell on you, that was ammonia and the track marks on you arm, don’t worry I know.”
So, Sid was the person who got Sawyer into this.
“Is that why you are late ? Was he tweaking ?”
“No,”
Atleast I didn’t think he was.
“You are too good and too pretty for him, you know that?” Sid said,”I mean you know date, whatever but, marry, that’s crazy,”
“How do you know about all of this drug stuff ?” I asked
“I went in with a few of my friends on this place, The Penthouse Club and Bar, it’s in Violet Square. If you invest in a club you know about ice. Anyway, It’s a gentlemen’s club but, it’s pretty classy and by next year I should make more money that I make here.”
“Gentlemen’s club ?”
“It means guys pay to watch women, but, like I said it’s classy. And the women make like 500 dollars a night, you should come by and see it. I promise no meth lab in the back.”
He laughed at the last line
“I don’t think so,” I said.
We sat in silence. I was waiting to hear 'you’re fired.'
“Okay, look you look like shit,” he said,” I won’t tell anyone about your situation and I’ll give you a pass but, hey why don’t you come to my place.”
“I can’t,” I said
“Atleast take a shower, we can go to Goodwill or something you can buy new oufit, come on.”
I was afraid what else I would accidently let out about about Sawyer and I if I went with him but, I was tempted.
“Um, okay Sawyer is in the hospital, if you could just take me to see him, I’d like that”
“That bad huh ? I don’t know how long you’ve know Sawyer but the fact that not only is he hiding a marriage but he is on drugs so bad he is hospitalized, is so crazy. I mean I look responsible now. Okay, let’s go.”
Sid called out into the dining room he was going on break and we went out the back.
We got into his truck and headed out the parking lot. Instead of going down the highway like the bus he drove 5 minutes down the street before turning into Elisa’s apartment complex
“Um, where are we ?”
“You smell like cat piss, you can at least take a shower in my place.”
I followed him upstairs to an apartment that was smaller than Elisa’s had been. He gave me a towel a Costa High 2003 T-shirt and a pair of girls gym shorts.
“Whose clothes are these ?”
“I don’t know, some girl left them here but, they’ve been washed so, they’re clean.”
I was hesitant but still gratetful
Sid’s shower had everything.
Hot water, scented body wash, a shampoo and even conditioner. I saw a mini blow dryer and for the first time I felt really clean.
I reluctantly put the clothes on. They did smell like laundry detergent.
“I’m ready,” I said.
Sid was lying on his couch waiting for me.
“You clean up nice. Are you sure you don’t want to hang out a bit ?” he asked
I did. I was starving, I hadn’t eaten since my lunch of 2 apples and a bananna the other day.
“No, I need to go.” I told him.
Sid got up and we headed to his pick up.
“You really are too good to be in this town your whole life,” he said, “I mean, my club needs a waitress too and you would have to do a lot less walking.”
“How much would I make ?” I asked
“Same amount but, the tips are way better. I saw you only made 30 dollars in tips the other day. That’s not a lot for 10 hours of work.”
“I’m fine where I am,” I said.
We continued in silence as he got on to the highway and headed for the city.
“It’s not serious is it ?” he said when we got to the entrance of the hospital
“No, it’s fine.” I said getting out, “Thank you”
“Are you sure you are okay ?”
“Yes” I said
“It was nice talking to you Juliana,” he said.
I walked away from the truck and went into the hospital.
When I looked out the window I saw Sid had pulled off.
I found Sawyers room and walked in, no guard at the door.
And no Sawyer in the bed.
I turned to the nurse—
“Where is the man who was in here ?” I asked
“The police took them all into custody, an hour ago,” she told me
I ran as fast as I could down to the Metro and asked for directions from 3 different people until I ended up at the police headquarters downtown.
I headed inside to see a woman at the front desk
“I need to see Sawyer Miller ?”
“Are you his family ?”
“Yes,” I said.
They led me to the back and down some stairs I saw Sawyer in a cell with a few other men.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“What did I tell you ? What did I tell you ?,” He said at me in a hushed tones, keeping an eye on the other people in the room.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I repeated
“I’m in the system now, they are checking everything I have done in the last 5 years including you. They have my prints all my information, I’ll never get out of the state. How is this ever going to work ? Caine probably knows by now. He probably thinks he has won,I told you.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated
“Listen,” he said, his anger subsiding,”They will let me out on a 50,000 dollar bail,”
“What does that mean ?” I was almost afraid to ask.
“It means we pay them 50,00 dollars now and if I can stay at home but I have to show up for an arraignment—uh, I have to say I’m guilty.”
“Are you going to do that ?” I asked
“Yes, but listen we don’t have that kind of money. You have to go downtown, one of the guys in here told me about a bail bondsman who will take care of most of it. You go to his address tell him you need a 50,000 dollar bail taken care of and then pay him whatever he asks. Now.”
More orders.
I nodded and left.
I took the bus back to the Inn and got the lock box.
I discreetly counted the money once I was on the bus, again.
2,430
in the lock box. Everything else was in Sawyer’s accounts that I couldn’t
access it I hoped it was enough.
I had considered taking the cash from the duffel bag but, I knew that money was made illegally and I couldn’t let it touch my hand.
Until I had to.
When I was back in the city limits I found the Metro downtown and ended up in area that didn’t look as nice. Nothing seemed to be labeled at all.
Could I ask for directions ?
The streets were still crowded (it was a Friday night) but no one seemed interested in making eye contact.
I kept walking, looking for 5th street but I didn’t even see a number street. When I finally found 8th I took a breath and asked a sweet looking woman coming out of a church for directions.
She pointed me in the direction of the bonds place.
I found the place and told the man at the front desk everything Sawyer had said.
“Okay, I need an ID from you,” He said
This again.
“I don’t have one.” I told him
“Okay,look you don’t have ID, your friend is on for drug charges I can only cover half for you. You understand the risk? So, I need atleast 15,000 now. Maybe you can get a loan ?”
“I don’t know,”
“You give me what you have and you have a week to get the rest to me.”
He was surprised when I gave him 2,000 in cash.
“That’s something,” he said and took my picture and fingerprints.
After promising him I would bring the money I walked the
streets trying to find the subway I had come in on when I was attracted by the
lights in the near distance.
Lights meant people and hopefully a metro stop . I saw a line of more restaurants and clubs, the streets had long limos that looked like SUV’s out front. None of the clubs looked like where I had been the other day. I saw a large trail of people coming down one way of the street.
Was that where the Metro was ?
“Juliana ?”
I stopped.
No one knew me.
Who could that be ?
I hadn’t told anyone my name was Juliana, had I ?
I kept walking but, I heard footsteps and felt an arm on my shoulder. I turned around
Sid.
“Don’t tell me you are doing runs for Sawyer, ?” he asked
“No, I was seeing a bondsman” I said
“Bondsman ? Sawyer’s in jail ? What the hell is up with that man ? is the sex that good ?”
I knew I shouldn’t have said that.
“It’s complicated,” I said
“How much was it ? “
“50,000”
“That’s a lot.”
I had no idea.
“Hey,this is a coincidence you want to come and see my club ?”
“I can’t” I said, “I have to get back home and sleep. I have work in the morning.”
“So do I” said Sid, “but, I think you’re boss will be okay with it. Come one just a drink maybe an appetizer ?”
A meal. I realized all I had on me was a metrocard and bus pass. I could have a meal with Sawyer for an hour and still be back before 9.
“I am kind of hungry. But, you should know I need to get off early so I can post the bail”
"Sure," he agreed
He took my shoulder and led me through to the back of a building. I saw the front of it looked like a glass paned hotel. It had gold colored velvet ropes and the lights on the front emitted a glittery affect.
Where was I ?
Inside he walked me to the bar, which was covered in a reflective wall. The woman behind the bar was wearing a mini corset and was heavily made up. Something about the way the lights hit her made her look pretty.
I looked around I could see the restaurant was divided into rooms but, I could not see around the corner.
Sid took a seat and I sat in the stool next to him.
The bartender brought us two glasses of wine.
“Can I have water ?” I asked her.
“Sure, sweetie” she said and brought me a cup ice, the ice cubes were shaped like dollar signs.
When another woman wearing a suit that appeared to small for any part of her body came over, Sid whispered in her ear.
“I know it looks fancy, but it’s like 5 of us who went in on it together. And I mean why not ? We had a goal that we would make you’re average joe or not so average joe feel like he was in the good life. One of my friends was chef but the rest of us were just a bunch of small town guys, no fancy college or anything and look what we’ve done.”
I soon learned I had to do very little talking when I was with Sid.
“I mean, my perks here are free booze, pretty girls, and a place to chill like I said I don’t make any real money for a while. That’s why I work at the diner, I don’t know if you know this but, I worked at Sunset for 3 years and then Sawyer comes along and a year later he is manager. Why ? Because he is in college and then the owners let him make every single decision while they retire in Canada--but, I mean what does knowing anything about science have to do with anything ? I mean look what he is doing with his degree.” Sid laughed
The waiter brought out 2 shrimp cocktails. It wasn’t what I wanted but I ate it, nodding as Sid talked. I was watching as the women walked by quickly counting 20’s before slipping them in their pockets and continuing on.
I sat with Sid for 30 minutes as he talked and I ate whatever little appetizer was put infront of me.
It was almost dark.
“I need to go,” I said.
“It’s not even 7,” he said, “They haven’t even put on the good music.”
“I’ll take the train back.”
“Wait,--“
“Thanks,” I said and headed out the back way I had come.
I wasn’t sure exactly where I was but, after 3 turnarounds and 2 buses I was back at the Inn.
I could smell the ammonia before I go to the door, it was putrid. I thought I had sealed it up.
I got to the door and I tripped over a bag.
Sawyer’s duffel bag.
I tried the door it was locked.
I went downstairs to the owners room and knocked,lightly.
She opened the door unamused.
“I’m locked out.”
She stared me down before takling
“ I had to open the room when I smelled that God awful smell” she said ,”People were complaining.”
I wonder what she had seen
” We don’t need stuff like that in our business. If you pay in cash to me now for 2 weeks and the cost to get that room cleaned I will get rid of your credit card information, like you were never here. I won’t turn you in because you two have been nice but , I don’t need that stuff in my business. Some people have kids.,”
“Thank you.” I said,
What was the right word
‘So, you pay for 2 weeks that’s 280 dollars and it’s going to cost atleast 500 to get that odor out, so 780 you can pay now or-“
“I can pay now.”
Was that the right term ?
I went back to the room and took out the 780 from the knit satchel and brought it back to her.
“Is this drug money ?” she asked
“No,” I lied, “I work at a restaurant . . . tips”
“Hey listen, I’m sorry honey but you gotta understand, you just can’t do stuff like this,”
“I know,” I said
I went to the bus stop and was able to catch the last bus to San Costa.
On the bus I looked for the blue and orange key I had seen in Sawyer’s bag before.
I got off at the Diner and walked over to Sid’s apartment complex.
I walked up the stairs and to Elisa’s apartment. They key worked.
Something went right today.
I walked in and set the duffle bag down
I didn’t want to disrupt anything so I pulled one of the blankets out of the duffel bag and slept on her couch.
The next morning, I woke up a t my usual time , 6:30 am to make the Saturday morning shift. I got in the shower washed my hair and threw a towel on. It felt intrusive but, I walked into Elisa’s room and looked through her closet.
I found a purple polo shirt and pair of shorts similar to my own and put them on.
I looked at the clock, it was 6:50 AM I had an hour to spare since the diner was only 7 minute walk away.
I went over to Elisa’s vanity and dabbled in her make-up, she was a shade darker than me but, her makeup made me look like I had a glow.
Up until now I had unconsciously taken a lot of pride in how I looked. I would spend an hour on my hair and makeup on the commune even if I never left.
I learned it for my mother who I watched put on her “face” every morning even when she never left the house. When I was a child she let me play in her make up and as I grew older it was something I did everyday .
I saw a curling iron in the reflection and tried curling the ends of my hair.
I looked at the clock
7:20.
I had no clue where we were going to go from here. Sawyer would be upset with me most likely and he had a reason to be.
I made him stay in the hospital. I forgot to come back for him because I wanted a shower and a ride ; he went into custody
I spilled the ammonia. I got us kicked out of the Inn.
I could go back further than that in our short relationship to things I had done.
I had created a different Juliana who did irrational and illegal things, one who was motivated by money. I was still motivated by money. We still needed it. The rest of Sawyer’s “drug money” and most of our savings was going to the bondsman or the police department.
And the hospital too, probably.
Looks like Sawyer was making bad decisions too.
If Sawyer and Juliana couldn’t sacrifice and hold it together who could ?
I looked at the clock
7:25.
I may as well be early for work.
I walked out the door and down the street to the Diner and sat outside waiting for someone with a key to let me in.
I saw Sid’s truck pull up into the parking lot. He got out of the car with a different woman on his arm.
“Juliana ?” he asked, “Is that you ? Is everything alright?.
“Yes, I just--I came early,” I said
“You sure did.” He commented as he opened the Diner
“Sid, I need to talk to you in private” I said.
“Sure” he said, “Hey, sweetie you stay out here and I’ll be back.” He said to the girl
“What do those women at your club do to make so much money ?,” I asked
“Are you being funny ?” he asked
“No but, I really need money.”
“You don’t look it,”
I had nothing to say.
“I’d love to hire you but my partners are kind of picky, I mean you have a look but, we can’t pick some random girl, not that you’re random.”
“ I know you pick pretty girls,” I said, “And well, I have been getting a lot of compliments lately.” I said, referring to the bank cashier and Sawyer’s roommate at the hospital.
Sid laughed
“I do love how cute you are sometimes, hey--How old are you anyway?” he asked
“18,” I said.
“How long have you been 18 ?”
“ 2 months”
“Barely legal” He said under his breath.
“I like you as a person, Juliana which is nothing I can say about any other girls at the club, but I think there is a um,let’s say potential for you but, I can’t treat you any different.”
“Okay,”
He smiled at me and then looked uncomfortable
“You do realize you will have to strip, right ?”
I hadn’t.
“I thought they just looked at them”
“This is what I’m talking about,” He chuckled,” They watch them undress, the girls.”
I thought it over. And then she did.
“Okay, fine.”
“I knew I’d see you naked one day, I just never imagined it would be like this.”
I ignored the comment. Was this treating me like any other girl?
“You know I can just give you money.” Sid said
“No, I owe enough debts, Thanks”
I went out and began my day.
Sid let me off early so I could bounce from place to place.
San Costa First to get a check
Police Station where Sawyer signed the check.
Downtown to the Bondsman
And back to the Police Station
I paid the holding and processing fees to the police and they told me to wait outside until Sawyer came out.
There were no hugs.
No words.
I had all the money so, for once I paid his bus fare.
He attempted to get off at the Inn’s bus stop but, I told him we had other arrangements. He didn’t ask anything else.
He seemed surprised when I said we were going to the Diner. I got off and walked over to Elisa’s apartment with him following me.
“Are you out of your mind, Juliana ?” he said.
“Why ?”
“Elisa pays rent at the beginning of the month. She hasn’t paid yet her landlady could come by any second. Why aren’t you at the Inn ?”
“I spilled the ammonia, I guess and they kicked us out,”
“Damn,” he cursed, I was getting used to it.
“They said they wouldn’t say anything.” I told him
“But, that was the address on all the forms I just filled out, someone’ll come around their soon. Looking for me, I guess we can leave that for later. We need to find another hotel. Where is the cash ?”
“Gone.” I said.
Saywer hit the apartment door with his I was opening with his right arm. He nearly missed me.
“Can we just stay here ?”
I said when we were inside.
“It’s like you don’t know how screwed we are. Even if we get out of this Caine situation we will still have a shitload of problems.”
“We will ?”
‘Well, okay fine I will. We owe 10,000 to the bank, 25,000 dollars to a bondsman, 37,000 to that hospital and the other fees that come with being arrested. My credit is crap, I don’t have a job.”
I knew all of that
“What am I supposed to say ?” I asked
“ I don’t know. I will find a place for us to stay and you will pay for it in your name”
More orders
“Stop ordering me around,” I said
“This is your fault;" I continued, " You did those drugs which are in that bag over there, along with stolen police evidence. “
“I never did, them not once,” he said
There was a knock at the door
“That’s probably the landlady.”
I stood still.
The door opened and Sid came through.
“hey, Buddy” he said to Sawyer,awkawrdly “I heard about your hard times. You okay ?”
Sawyer shot me a look.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, okay.” Sid said sarcastically, “I just want to say I had no idea you were going to go that hardcore I mean with the—“
“Can we help you ?” Sawyer asked
“I saw you two coming up here.” He said and looked at me, “You ready ?”
“What is going on ?” Sawyer asked.
“Sid gave me a second job. “ I said, “I got it on my own and I will do the right thing with the money,”
Sid seemed confused by the statement but Sawyer just kept looking at us.
“Let’s go,” Sid said.
I followed Sid out the door and into his pickup truck.
“I brought a few things for you ,” he said, I looked in the backseat to see a blue and pink paisley bag with a J on it.
Sawyer was out of jail and from what I knew all he could do was not do anything and we’d be okay.
“What exactly do I have to do ?” I asked
“Have you ever been dancing ?”
“I used to take ballet,” I said, “What’s in the bag?”
He smiled
“It’s just girl stuff and some clothes.”
“That I have to take off ?”
“I think you will have to watch first but, yeah. I’ll put you with rich douches and yuppies who don’t have any aesthetic preferences. Guys who’d pay just for you to give them their coffee every morning.”
“I have to take them all off ?” I asked, I was feeling regret but I couldn’t turn back.
“No, that’s illegal where they serve alcohol, you just act like you are.”
So they have rules.
We drove into the city and to the back into the lights and glamour of the clubs.
I was shaking.
“You need to relax” he said,”You know I can turn around.”
“I’m fine, nerves or something,”
I had always thought the farther away I was from Sawyer the more Julianna disappeared but she was still there.
Sid parked the car and took out a small glass tube that had a pretty blue and green swirl pattern in the glass. It looked like a tiny flower vase. He put something in the opening and lit a lighter underneath it. I watched as long white steam slowly appeared out of the tube.
“This will calm your nerves take one hit,” he said
“No,thanks” I said
“It’s harmless,”
“Isn’t that the stuff that got Sawyer hurt ,like he is ?”
“You’re sweet,” he said. “Making it is the dangerous part taking it is fun. And one hit won’t kill you.”
I leaned over a pretended to inhale a little bit of the smoke.
Sid just laughed and put his hand over my nose so I couldn’t breathe I grabbed at his wrists hard but he let go and as I gasped for breath I inhaled a a large amount of the smoke. I got out of the car and breathed as much fresh air as I could.
“Relax, relax,relax, It’s not enough to get you high,” he said. I watched from the outside of the car as he inhaled the rest of the smoke and then walked me inside handing me the bag.
“This is yours, now.”
So many lights in the back of the restaurant or was it a club ?
I was introduced to woman after woman most whose names I forgot after I heard them and some of them looked at me distastefully. Sid had something to say to each of them.
In the middle of the room was a table with plates on it.
“Why don’t you have some dinner I have some stuff to do, Belle will help you,”He told me.
She was the bartender from the other night
The food on the tables was real food; salads, sandwhiches,soups, chicken and steak. The dished looked clean had been so long since I had had anything substation to eat; sandwiches with real lettuce and tomatoes and not sopped in ranch dressing or smothered in butter before being fried.
“You can take a shower in the back, this place use to be a gym so . . .,” Belle told me as she ate a plate of french fries, reading a Kinesiology book.
I went in the back to see 3 open showers separated by a curtain. I opened the bag Sid had given me to see a wallet, a pair of jean shorts, a white tank top and pink sweater, with a underwear set that looked like the lacy pink bra I had thrown out after the cashier incident.
Had he seen it ?
I stared at the clothes.
“Girl next door.” A woman said behind me.
I turned around to see a girl standing behind me wearing a big robe.
She continued, “It’s cute. Do you like it ?”
“It looks small.”
“That’s the point.”
I learned her name was Esmerelda, she was nice enough to me.
I didn’t want to change into the clothes until I absolutely had to. I sat and watched the other girls stretching and dancing. I had taken private lessons from another UL member but, these girls seemed to have more flexibility. All I had done well was a backbend and the splits.
I watched and learned and listened. They seemed to always have something to laugh at or about, they all seemed so alike.
Where was I ?
9.3
A couch with 4 well dressed men
Approaching she gave them a kind smile
She shook their hands and asked names
They did the same
“Julia”
A hand rested on her exposed thigh
She backed away
She leaned against the pole
Flirting with them with a smile
2 buttons on the sweater opened
The sweater touched the floor
She unzipped the top of the shorts
And swayed from side to side on the pole
She leaned against it wraping one leg around it.
I breathed
She let the shorts drop to the floor
Followed by the shorts
She walked around the pole
She spun around it
Like a child at a bus stop
She leaned against it
Staring at them
A brave arm around her waist
She straddles his thighs
She put her head on his shoulder
He guided her hips
He pawed the back of the bra strap.
The clasp was in the front.
A new hand on the right patted her arm
She moved right.
A smaller lap.
A bill was put in her bra
Electicity . . . but not the same kind.
He moved her hips
Touched her face
Stared
A new arm on the right pulled at her
A bigger lap
The 3rd man showed her a 50.
He found the bow in the front.
She smiled
The last man pulled at her.
But the 3rd pulled her back
Showed her another 50 and put it to his cheek
Her lips grazed his face.
More gloss than skin
No real kiss.
Something better, eye contact and a smile.
The last man pulled her again
She moved to the right . . .
9.4
When the lights went up at midnight, Sid was lying on one of the couches, his eyes closed.
I guess I was supposed to be my own ride back.
I walked outside and decided to call a cab
I had 300 dollars in my hand after all.
“Julia,” I turned
The 3rd guy
“I have a gun.”
I didn’t
“No,no.” he said He had his hands up. “I have a question for you ?”
“I’m not supposed to talk to you out here”
“Do you do anything on the side ?”
“I waitress”
He laughed.
“You really are a flirt. You don’t like do—and don’t get offended—do, uh oral ?”
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“Oral sex.”
I had no idea what he was talking about but, if I said that I would get another one of those giggles.
“I don’t really want to kiss you,” I said
“ You don’t have to . . . I didn’t mean that”
“I’m sorry I don’t know what you mean.”
“You never break character do you ?”
I just smiled.
“300 for a girl like you.”
“What do I have to do ?” I asked
“We can go back to my car and well, . . . do you want me to teach you or something ?” he said smiling widely
“I—um, can I back out any time ?”
“Of course.”
I knew I shouldn’t have but, I followed him back to a large blue Escalade.
The lights were on inside the car but, didn’t look that way from the outside.
“You are really pretty, like my ideal girl.” He told me when we both sat down in the backseat.
“Thank you”
I was starting to tell realize Sawyer never told me I was pretty.
I looked around, I saw a mini-fridge, tv screens in the headrest on the dashboard, everywhere.
I looked over at him
He took out a remote and music came out of the headrests.
I heard a guitar melody.
“You like this ?”
I nodded.
He unzipped pants and he took out an erection
I looked away.
“It’s okay,” he said,”look.”
Avoiding his penis I watched him pull out what looked like a condom
He put it over his finger
“It’s vanilla.” He said.
What was ?
“You could lick it if you wanted to” he said
He put his finger around my lips. I could smell the stong vanilla. I let my tongue lick a part of my lips he had touched
“Is it good ?” he asked laughing
“lt’s vanilla.” I said
“I’m going to put this on my dick and some people well they lick and suck on it,. It feels great”
And so began a new kind of orders. Ones that were a mix between orders , suggestions and random thoughts.
“You can stop if you get tired”
“It can be slower or faster”
“You’re amazing,”
“I guess you treat it like candy,”
“Your are good.”
“I like whatever you did last time, if you want.”
“I bet you can take it off with your tounge”
I heard the undertones of the music behind me and nothing else. I ignored everything.
He put his hand carefully on my head and pulled me back.
I watched him groan and his body shake.
Another song ended.
His face was flush and he turned to me and grinned.
“You do good oral.”he smiled, and gave me 4 bills; 3 100’s and 2 20’s. A week and a half salary at the Diner
“This is more than 300,” I said
“I thought that cute ignorant act you did at the beginning was cute, so I think it deserved something extra.”
I sat there
Did I leave now.
“Is it okay if I leave ?” I ask
“If you want yeah, I’ll call you a cab.”
“I can do it .”
“No, I can get you a good one.”
For 10 minutes we listened to the radio in silence.
He held my hand.
A cab finally pulled up.
“Take her wherever she needs to go,” he told the cabbie, “Charge it to me”
“Sure thing, boss.”
The cab was clean, the radio was in English and he didn’t curse at every light.
9.5
I walked up the stairs of the building and paused at the door. I expected to see Sawyer waiting there with more orders and accusations. He wasn’t and all the lights inside were off.
Sawyer wasn’t in the living room, kitchen or bathroom.
I looked into Elisa’s room ; he was asleep in her bed.
The fold out bed was pulled out and had been made up for me.
I sat on the edge of the bed, it squeaked loudly.
I saw a piece of paper on the table.
It was a prescription
Morphine Sulfate, Sawyer Miller
More big words
I saw the 94$ price. He hadn’t filled it yet.
I heard a sound behind me, I saw Sawyer standing in the bedroom door.
“You just get in?” he asked in a sleepy tone.
“Yes,”
“I’m need to fill that out tomorrow.” He said referring to the prescription, “Can you go with me ?”
“Yeah, it’s my day off. Are you okay ?”
He nodded
“Good Night, Julie”
“Good night.”
