Going into town had been an experience. The United Light had a travel bus they took into the nearest town ,Port Freedom. The bus  looked out of place compared to the dusty old American cars that I had thought they stopped making before I was born.  The cars dotted the parking lot of a center that sported  a K-Mart, Dollar Tree and BottomDollar. 

The economy must be doing great in Port Freedom.

“It’s amazing that a few miles north of here it’s like a completely different place.,” Rosa had said as we hopped off the bus “They have big shopping malls with designer stores.”

 At the Bottom Dollar Rosa picked up some groceries for her mother and at the K-mart she bought a pretty high end digital camera and nearly 50 dollars in make up.

“Are you crazy ? “ I told her, “All this just to play model ?”

“I have the money “, She assured me “Because I don’t have to pay for overhead or necessities, that is all taken care of by United Light. I make a lot of money off my clothes so, I can supplement and work on being who I want to be.”

I rolled my eyes.

Back at the protected living , Rosa took me down to the basement  of the house where her sewing room and  all her clothes were. For the first time I noticed what looked like Studio lights

“Okay, you can pick anything , put something on so I can do your hair and makeup and photograph you.”

“No, this is stupid.” I told her.

“You are a model. I didn’t buy this camera for nothing”

“I am 22 years old I am not going to  play pretend.”

“Pretend? I’m not playing, these are my real clothes, this is a real camera and these photos will be seen by real store owners. Which part is pretend ? Come on, do it for me”

I  figured it was better than going back to Cecelia and Greg’s so, I reluctantly tried on a halter dress that looked great on the mannequin but  when it got on my body it was way too  small for me.

“This is too small” I said and stared taking it off.

“No, it’s not,” Rosa said, slapping my hand away from the straps, “ You have a great body, you look cute,”

She told me to sit in a chair while she proceeded to cover my face in make up.

“You are too good at this.” I said.

“I was photography major at Georgia,”

“How did you learn to sew?”

“I am somewhat of an autodidact” she said.

When she finished with the makeup she wouldn’t let me look in the mirror and told me to stand infront of the set she had made, I forgot the technical name. It was a white background with her light blue cruiser in the background.

I had done some small time modeling jobs in high school so I decided to let go and pull on all the things I had learned in my short modeling stint.

“You look like freakin’ Bambi” Rosa teased me,” If you don’t start looking sexier or hotter,  than I’m sure Sawyer will pick Julianna over you.”

That should have hurt but, it didn’t coming from her. Like how your mother or best friend can make fun of your real flaws and it’s okay or just funny coming from them.  

“Atleast I have a man,” I teased her back.

I decided to fully play into this, even though to me this was still pretend and had some fun. I was surprised at how easy it was to let go. For a second I forgot I was in crazy land and I felt like I was hanging out with a good friend.

After our “photo shoot” Rosa loaded the pictures on her computer. It weird seeing all those photos of a girl I  didn’t recognize. One who looked carefree and fun, something my career field and life had sucked out of me. After picking out the best ones she loaded them on on her website and it looked fairly professional.

“Wow.” I said, I couldn’t get over it I didn’t recognize myself, all the flaws I thought I had seemed to be absent from the pictures.

“You are so pretty,” she told me. “I am going to see one of my buyers tomorrow, mind if I take this picture ?”

“Sure, fine.” I said.

I looked out the window to see the sun had set.

“I should get back to Cecilia and Greg.” I said.

“Okay we can also take more photos tomorrow.”

I walked back to Cecelia’s and Greg’s and  found Greg at the door. It was the first time I had been alone with him. He seemed like he was going to say something to me but, the words were hanging on the tip his mouth.

Right.

I was still in Rosa’s makeup.

“Cecelia’s not here,” he informed me finally, “She is with her mother I am just going to  head to the Center for dinner, you want to come ?”

“Uh,okay,” I agreed. I had some questions for Greg anyway.

He walked across the yard to the silver Vespa parked on the curb.

“Is that yours ? It’s nice.” I said, “Can I drive ?”

Greg smiled and handed me the other helmet while he got on the front. I sat behind and put my arms around his waist.

“Good?” he said.

“I’ve been on the back of motorcycles, let’s see how fast this glorified shopping cart can go.” I said.

He cranked the engine and we sped down the street, I was surprised by how fast it could go.

When we got to the Center , they were serving pasta, I wanted to know who  paid for this food but I decided not to be too argumentative.  After getting our food Greg and I settled down at a picnic table together, outside.

“I think in the real world I’d like you,” I said to him, “ Because you are like a cop and I’m interested in criminal justice.”

“I’m not like a cop” he corrected

“Right,  more like the CIA ?”

“I’m not one of Caine’s Cabinet tranquility lights. I just stand by the entrances and make sure we don’t get any threats to the protected living.”

“And I mean Tranquility lights?  Isn’t that kind of a lame-ass name right ?”

“It sounds less scarier than Police Officer, I think.”

I could agree

We ate in silence.

“So, how do you feel about Sam, ?” I asked.

“ I don’t know him. I know his father he is a decent man so, I assume Sam will be a good man too.”

“And . . . You’re okay with sharing your wife.”

I knew  I was stirring up trouble

“Yes, I am. I know it will take some getting used to but, Cece want’s  this and I will be happy to have a new brother.”

“Brother ?”

“It’s like the term sister-wife only is fraternal-husbands.”

“Oh,” I said.

I couldn't believe this. I hoped I didn’t throw up this meal.

“You know, my great grandparents are from Tibet and there polyandry is a common practice.” He said

“So, is genocide.” I pointed out.

He seemed like he wanted to roll his eyes at me but he didn’t

“ I think maybe if you tried for a second to eliminate you westernized, Judo-Christian centric thinking you’d be opened up to new things and stop doing what society  the rules of has decided is right.  I mean if we speak clearly about the rules of nature being in monogamous relationships has  no purpose. You hardly see it in nature.” He challenged me.

I couldn’t think of a snappy response fast enough

“All I care about is Cecelia’s happiness,” he went on  “and I want to be happy for her and, I am.”

“Okay, but I mean it’s not like Cecelia is too much woman for one man or anything—“

“That’s not funny.”

“  I wasn’t trying to be, I guess I’m selfish, I mean  I would never share my boyfriend. Let alone a man who put a ring on my finger”

“Well, that’s you and I can accept that about you during our short acquaintance. Can you do the same for me ?”

So this is what killing with kindness is.

“So, do you have a part in the wedding ?” I asked

“I will just be watching, at the United Light we don’t usually do the whole bridesmaid, groomsmen thing because really it’s just expensive. ”

“Do you think people here will be able to date and marry who they want ?”

“They can, Elisa. Cece and I were not arranged.”

“Oh, I guess I just assumed.”

“Many of our young people do not really socialize much because there are never enough who are on or off the commune, it’s complicated. Cece and I were lucky”

“So, ignoring my—what did you call it – ‘Judo-Christian Westernized thinking ‘, am I supposed to be happy for you ?”

“Be happy for Ceclia and by default be happy for me”

Juliana

Part 1

After throwing up everything I had eaten at the diner a few days before I was reluctant to eat any more diner.  It wasn’t that the food was bad but,  It had been so long since I had a fresh vegetable or something  that wasn't fried in day old grease (Sid’s new policy).   And while all the employees had been nice to me for  my first week and a half,   the cooks  refused to cook anything specially for me.

Despite my growing hunger , I still kept a good attitude while waiting tables, but during the week my tips were getting few and far between. I was sure I was doing my job right so, I was surprised when Sid called me into his office in the middle of a shift.

“Yes ?” I said, taking a seat opposite him.

“Juliana, is everything alright ?”

“Yes,” I lied

I had been doing terrible. I felt like Sawyer had heard my thoughts about him that night a few days ago because I had hardly seen him during the week. He had become sound rustling in the room while I was trying to get to sleep on the hard and lumpy mattress that had one spring sticking out. I hadn’t actually seen him in days.

“Now. I like to treat our employers like family here ,” He said giving me a toothy grin “and family looks out for one another and you seem to be falling on harder times. Are you still living with Sawyer ?”

“Not really,” I said, a partial truth.

“I’m going to give you your check early,” he said, “I know  you haven’t filled out the direct deposit form but you  can cash it next door. The owners said I could give this to you because it seems like you could use it.”

He handed me an official looking envelope. I just sat and stared at it.

“Go ahead and take the day off  . . . freshen up some.”

“Thank you,” I said

I headed out of his office and through the Diner door. I waited until it was clear and sprinted  across the 3 lanes of traffic to the cash checking station across the street. It was empty except for the lone  cashier sitting behind an the counter

As I handed the cashier , an older man who looked just as bored as I was took my check. I decided to take a break and leaned heavily against the counter, I was tired. I glanced into the plastic window and saw something.

Or someone ,rather.

A reflection of  a version of myself that I did not recognize.

Sid was right, I did look like I had fallen on hard times but I guess the truth was, I had.

 With Miami’s new  Green Forth Program Sawyer had made almost 100$  recycling anything made of  plastic or glass or paper. Which meant he emptied out all of my body wash and hair products to be recycled . I had been using the 40% water 50% alcohol soap the motel provided as my body wash, laundry  detergent and  shampoo and conditioner.

I had resorted to washing my clothes in the sink , so all my clothes were dried in the Florida sun and covered with wrinkles. All of my recent clothes washing made us loose hot water so, after taking a cold shower this morning  I resorted to throwing my wet hair in a sloppy bun. I couldn’t look at the girl in the reflection for too long.

“ID, ma’am.” The clerk said

“Sorry ?” I said.

“I need your ID.” He repeated.

Caine had suggested to my parents I take the learners permit test so I could get a learner's permit as a form of ID but we had never gotten around to it. I was planned to get it done in Florida since I’d be living there and would need one living off the commune but, well that hadn’t worked out. I had my  marriage liscence and birth certificate at the room though.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any . . . I forgot it.”  I lied.

But the man wasn't paying attention to my words, he was looking down at me. I looked to where he was looking. 

During my vigorous hand washings I had popped 3 buttons off my polo shirt and and as I looked down  I realized at the angle I was standing he could see down  my shirt. He had a  view 32 C breast that we pushed into a dainty pink lace 34 B bra, that had no function as a bra ( another wedding gift)  but, happened to be the one I was wearing on the day everything went to downhill because the color was undetectable under my sundress.

I motioned to stand up right but lingered for a second. I wouldn't look the man in the eye.  After looking just over his head and the man went back to his computer.

“I’ll give you a pass this one time,” he said, chuckling to himself

He handed  me 3 wrinkled 100 dollar bills and a 50.

“Is this all mine ?” I asked, forgetting for a second what this man was doing earlier.

“I mean We take a 30% fee”

I put the money in my shorts pocket. I had sold my purse and wallet a while ago, apprarently people paid 60 dollars for a Vera Bradley purse and wallet.

 

I thought of all the things I could do with this money.

My money.

The first time I had something that was my own and no one else could claim. I could get my hair done, I could find a nicer hotel for myself,  I wouldn’t have to hear other people in the hotel (which  also had hourly rates).

I got on the bus and instead of getting off at the stop in front of the Inn I stopped at the one by the Fresh Foods Grocery. I went inside and bought a few apples, a bunch of bananas and a bottle of  apple juice and bottled water, and finally  a name brand shampoo. I decided the shampoo would be my little secret.

I went back to the Inn and even though I assumed Sawyer  would be there sleeping it was empty.  I kind of wanted company but, I  ate 3 of the apples and drank most of the bottled water. Fresh fruit, water that wasn’t from the tap. I decided to wash my hair before I went to take a nap.

It felt like heaven to have the warm water on my hair even though it only lasted  for 5 minutes before it became cold. But somehow the cold seemed less cold to me.

Knowing I was rinsing all the oil and dirt out of my hair from nearly a week and leaving behind the scent of raspberries felt like a vacation. Was this really what vacation was supposed to be ? It felt like one.

I dried of  my body and out on my knit turquoise knit nightdress and out the hood over my wet hair and  went back into the room and I saw a figure standing over the bed.

“What the hell is going on ?” Sawyer asked, his voice wasn’t kind  this time,  he was angry and holding a recipt.

“Sid gave me my check early. ”

“And you bought something ? Have you forgotten what the money is for ? Have you lost your god damn mind ? How selfish are you ?” Sawyer spat at accusation after accusation after me.

I had never been reprimanded in that kind of tone before, like I was a child  who had done something wrong and thought they had gotten away with it.

I instantly felt guilty and  a need to submit to him to start apologizing or cry but as I thought the situation over more those feelings faded away.

“It’s my money,” I told him, in a calm, even  tone, “Sid told me  I looked like I needed it.”

“Oh, right, yeah. Here is something you should know about Sid," Sawyer said in the same condecinding tone " He does more than move furniture in the back of that truck. He did this because he wants something nice to look at while he is working. He wants to be able to say he’s screwed every waitress at Sunset”

“I don’t think so,” I told Sawyer, keeping my voice calm, “I do look a little unkept, Sawyer.  I only spent 8 dollars.”

“Is this because you hate Elisa ? ,” He continued “I mean I sensed you were  jealous of her.”

“I don’t hate her, I like her just fine,”  I said, avoiding the jealousy statement. “I want to help her too  but I  do feel like this is all your fault.  I think You should have told somebody about her and we would have never been married.”

My calm tone was getting hard to keep but, it was the first time I had ever said anything real to Sawyer.

“Don’t blame me, I could have never predicted this,” He retorted, calming down a bit.

This was going to be the most honest conversation we had ever had.

“It it  your fault,” I repeated, “ We are suffering  and you know we are never going to make the money and Elisa is probably going to die.”

I had no idea where that last sentence came from, I wished I could catch it and take it back

“I liked you Julie,” He said, getting upset again “ I thought you were sweet but, you are just an ungrateful, pathetic little bitch.”

The words cut me and I saw the tears before I felt them

“I took care of you !”He shouted at me “ I helped you when you had nowhere to go. I paid for rent for food for everything for you.  I promised to be there for you. And the one time I will probably ever need you to be there for me and you can’t  be . All you have ever done is fucking  cry and act like a baby and I indulged you. You would still be  wondering in the God Forsaken swamps of Louisiana or crocodile food without me.”

“No –thas--  na tr”  I tried to get out that’s not true but, the tears were overwhelming me

“And you know what ? I got you that job  I ignored  a few rules so you could have that job so really that money is mine I mean were you  at least going to tell me.”

I didn’t know

“Okay, fine I’m sorry,” I said, regaining some composure “Can you just shut up ?”

“That is the most honest thing I have ever heard out of your mouth”

His tone kept itching at me. He had won this one and I hated it, I wanted to win.

Or atleast be even.

“Like you don’t have things you don’t need but keep. I look horrible but you don’t seem to. You look fine, why is that ? I wonder why ? ”

I headed to search the duffel bag out in the closet.

I thought he was going to lunge for the bag but, instead he lunged for me. Sawyer arms grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down to the ground.

He had tackled me.

I struggled beneath him as he started to get off of me,  I don’t know why but I scratched at him and then I felt a hard skin against my face. I could not tell if he was meant to  hit me but we were in the middle of a fight.

I pushed on him and he pushed  back, we struggled agaisnt each other and finally I pushed him away and went out the door, slamming it loudly behind me.

 I looked out into the parking lot and stopped.

I wanted to go back inside and go back to bed but in an attempt to get as far away from him as possible, I walked barefoot across the parking lot to the side walk.

The closest thing  to me was a Denny’s and a liquor store down the road.

 I stood on the sidewalk and contemplated go back inside again, when a Miami County Police Car pulled up in front of me.

“Everything, okay ?” a man in uniform asked me as he rolled down his window. “Are you lost, miss ?”

I immediately  tried to fix my tangled wet hair and adjust my nightdress so it would at least cover my knees. I was a mess

“No, I just-“ I started but,  stopped when I heard the car door open.

The officer got out of the car and approached me.

“You on any drugs ? You take anything ?”

“N-no,” I said.

“Mind if we search you ?.”

  I doubted if there was anything to search but, I just nodded my head and another female officer got out and started searching me.

“Why are you out here ?” she asked.

“I am staying here in this hotel and I got locked out,” I lied. I turned my head to see Sawyer coming towards us.

He had probably been watching the whole time.

“I was waiting for my husband to come back with the key , see ? He’s right there.”

“Stop right there, son.” The officer said, “What is your relationship to this girl.”

I rubbed the ring hopping Sawyer would see it.

“She’s my wife.”

“I got locked out, I went to get some ice really fast and  I forgot the key.” I explained to him.

The officers asked us a few more questions and then walked us back to our room before leaving.

“Once again, I bail you out.” Sawyer breathed as he laid out on the floor.

I just went over to where I had left my shorts on the floor and took the rest of the money out.

 I knew he was watching as I took the rest of the money and put it in the lock box , we had been keeping cash in.

“I do want Elisa safe,”I told him as I took a seat on the bed, he nodded his head but he was already almost asleep. I watched him fall into a deep sleep before I got under the covers of the bed .

And for the first time in a while we both went to sleep at the same time.

I wasn’t sure if what Sawyer and I had was really a fight.

It was more like a petty disagreement, we both needed to blow of steam or something but, we went back to our schedule the next day.

When I woke up in the morning  Sawyer had already left and as if another slap in the face half way through the shower the water pressure went down and I could not rinse all the shampoo out.

Sawyer had talked to the hotel manager about the problems, and the manager offered to move us to a new room or stay in the room we were in for 6 dollars a day less.

Saywer went for the cheaper room.

I tried to put my still wet hair in a braid but the loose ends were full of shampoo. I was going to be late for work already,  so I  gave up hiding the ends. I found the pair of scissors next to the hotel Bible and chopped the ends of.

I didn’t even think about it I just did it. I pulled my hair in a bun and caught the bus.

At work Sid asked to  see me in his office as soon as I got in.

Was I getting fired ?

“Yes, “ I said innocently once I was in his office.

“Your hair is still wet.” He told me.

“I know I usually take a shower at night but, I did it this morning and ran behind so  . . . “

“Listen,  I’m going to have to give you a warning, you have to look more presentable for work, okay ?” he said.

I nodded and offered another apology and went into the bathroom. I went into the stall and cried silently to myself.

 If I spent the money, Sawyer would be upset and we’d fight again but, if I didn’t I might get fired. And I hated that my manager , my boss had to keep telling me I looked bad.

“You have to do something” I told myself. I got out of the stall and looked around the bathroom.

Even though I knew I was breaking OSHA rules I rinsed my hair in the sink and dried my hair underneath the hand dryer. The high heat from the dryer added some shine so I let it hang straight.

I turned my back and saw that the chop I had done earlier was pretty even.

I had gone from mid back length hair  to split ends that just grazed my shoulders. I'd finish chopping later tonight.

There was nothing I could do about the circles around my eyes from lack of sleep but, I pinched my cheeks to give them some color and went into the dining room where  Sid give me a small nod of approval.

And then what Sawyer said about him came back to me.

  Even though I wanted to have sex I wanted it with Sawyer, with a man who loved me passionately ,I wanted sweet nothing, the whole deal.

Not Sid in the back of a pickup truck. Maybe he could be a tester? It wouldn’t count.

But, I didn't have either right now so, I pushed the thought out of my mind

“Good morning, what can I get you ?” I asked my customers. I looked down to see the police officers from the other day. I decided to play it cool, they probably didn’t recognize me.

“You’re the girl we pulled over the other day ?” the officer asked

Or not.

“You work all the way over here ?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Where does your husband work ?”

“In the city,” I said

“Husband ?” I turned around to see Sid behind me.

“Um, I mean-um, yes my husband.”

He didn’t have to know it was Sawyer.

“I live with him now.” I explained

“Sawyer was his name, right “ the Cop asked.

“I-uh- yes” I figured it would not be in my best interest to lie to the police..

They continued their order and after sitting around drinking coffee for an hour they left. I tried to keep busy during the day so, Sid wouldn’t take me aside and ask questions about Sawyer and I.  As soon as it came time for me to leave I headed for the door without clocking out (which we did in Sid’s office) and head to the bus stop.

Once I was back at the Inn I  let a scream into the pillow.

I couldn’t keep up one lie.

I  laid down on the bed and closed my eyes trying to figure out what the worse that could come from this.

I suppose Sawyer would be upset but, we could say we were getting divorce. I decided to save this problem for when Sawyer got back, not because he could handle it better but, because this was his lie.

So, I moved on to other problems for the day. I had eaten the rest of my fruit for breakfast and  lunch so I was probably going to have ice water for dinner.

As I closed my eyes to settle down I heard a loud bleating sound that wasn’t  my alarm clock. I sat up and I looked over to see the phone was  ringing and  had a bleeping red light.

I didn’t  even know that worked.

I looked around then picked it up.

“Hello ?”

“Julie ? Thank, God,” I heard Sawyer’s voice.

“Sawyer ? Are you okay ?” I asked

He never called just because. We never had a conversation that wasn’t necessary.

“I’m going to give you an address downtown and I need you to come to it.” He told me, “Call a cab, take money out of the lock box.

“ Won’t that be like 30 dollars ?” I asked. I couldn’t spend 8 dollars on healthy food and personal hygiene but when he needed me it was okay for me to take money.

“Shouldn’t I take the bus ?”

“Do you want to get raped or mugged ?” he snapped at me.

I was taken aback but didn’t say anything.

“Julie ?,” he said, probably thinking I had hung up

“Yes ?”

“I need you to come  right now, okay,” He instructed me, “You don’t have a cell phone so, it’s important you do this right.”

I was starting to hate the way he talked down to me.

I told him I’d be there.

So, Sawyer needed me, this was new.

I called a cab and took money out of the lock box.

On the ride down I was hypnotized by all the lights and  energy of the night life. When the cab driver opened the window I could smell the ocean, so close. I looked down at the clock, it was 10 pm on a weekday and all these people were out, having fun.

Finally, the driver stopped at  Miami City Hospital.

Had I gotten the address wrong ? Was this really it ?

I paid the cab driver, 32.78  and went to the front desk of the hospital.

“I need-“

“Fill out these forms,” the nurse said taking one look at me, “the free clinic has a 3 hour wait, no testing will be done until next week.”

“No, I need to find somebody, Sawyer Miller, I’m his wife.”

She looked at me with doubt. She typed in his name to a computer and then looked at me again. I wanted to smile but, I didn’t feel like it I was too tired and scared

“ Down the hall room 12A”

I went down the hall past room 10, 11 and finally 12 . I stopped at the door, I was afraid. I felt a lump in the pit of my stomach.

What if he was dead or really hurt, could I take that ? I breathed and went through the door and saw 3 hospital beds in the room.

I was to afraid to look into any of the beds and see the wrong person so, I called out his name

“Sawyer,”

“Julie, over here.” I heard his voice, it sounded normal.

I went to the far corner of the room.

And I saw him.

And I thought I looked bad.

Across his cheek was a long gash that looked like it has stopped bleeding a while ago. His hospital gown was open to his belly button and there was a blanket covering his groin and right hand

Across his body patches of white gauze bordered by red skin; on his chest, arms and legs and judging by the position he was lying in probably on his backside too.

Were those gun shot wounds ?

“What happened ?” I asked going to him and grabbing his left hand, I have no idea why I did that but I did.

“It was an accident. I’m fine,” he said

I didn’t believe him.

“Are you in a lot of pain ?”

“More than you know,” he said, I sensed a joke I wasn’t getting but, I ignored it.

“When can you get out of here ?” I asked.

“It’s not that simple, Julie.” He said.

Talking down again but, I pushed it back.

“I know  . . . I mean, this looks bad.” I said

“No,” he paused, “ it’s this.”

He moved his right arm underneath the blanket and  I heard a clink of metal.

Did he lose his hand ? Was it a prosthetic ? I was to afraid to look but, I figured he wanted me to so I moved the blanket.

What I saw was much worse.

He was handcuffed to the bed.

I looked at Sawyer who tilted his head towards the door. I turned to see a hospital guard who looked to be in his early 20’s and frightened  by the whole situation standing by the door. I had been in too much of a rush to  notice on my way in.

“What is going on ?” I asked.

Saywer just looked away from me.

“What happened ?” I said louder.

I saw the guard making a move towards us.

“Quieter” Sawyer whispered to me.

“Hey, baby if you bend over a little more I’ll tell you how you’re boy is amped on glass.” I heard a voice behind me.

I turned around to see the other man in the bed  behind me. He too was chained to the bed and looked to be in a similar situation as Sawyer but he kept twitching like he was in pain shaking his wrist against the handcuffs.  I turned away from him and ignored his lewd comment.

 “I’m not on ice” Sawyer said in a loud definitive tone, that I assumed was for everyone else's benefit not mine

“Tell me what, is going on." I  said. I was done asking

“Grab that chair in the corner and come closer,”

Of course,he responded to my demand with a demand

I took the plastic chair and sat next to his bed; sitting as  close as I could.

“I started this rolling lab in the club and have been cooking methamphetamine, to get us money. Meth is the drug of the rich.”

Organic Chemistry.

That was what Sawyer’s Coastal Florida degree had said before he packed it away in the lock box with the other important documents.

“For how long ?” I asked

“ I mean , I started in college for fun.  But, when we got back   .   . .  we needed the money. I never did them or anything. Anyway, I was in the lab in the back of the club and that  tweaked out idiot over there comes at us and cuts me because he thought I gave him something fake.  He knocks some stuff over and the chemicals are really dangerous and there was an explosion, the back room caught on fire and the alcohol didn't help”

“Oh my god,” I had never used that phrase but, it seemed like this event warranted it.

I wanted to ask who was 'us 'but, he kept on talking.

“The cops came  and they arrested all of us but because we had such bad burns we’ve been hospitalized for now.”

“How are we going to pay for this “  I wandered out loud.

“That’s not important right now.”

“It’s not ?” I asked

“No, listen we have bigger problems. I have a clean record, I may be able to get out of this with a possession charge which means maybe community service, a fine or  at the very least a 200 dollar bail.”

I couldn’t believe Sawyer who had always been a run of the mill innocent  United Light boy was saying this.

“That’s good ?”

“Yes. But the thing is they are going to do an investigation. If they find out I had intent to sale I could go to jail for years and this could all be over for us.”

“One minor detail and suddenly  you could go to jail ?” I asked, a little louder.

“Thank, Nancy Regan,” he retorted

I heard the guard coming closer to us.

“Lean in close to me and pretend to kiss me.” Sawyer said.

I wanted to ask why  but, I decided it would be better to just do what he said.

As soon as I leaned in the guard seemed to get uncomfortable and backed away a bit.

Sawyer motioned for me to lean closer and I did.

  We were nose to nose.

“I need you to go to the club,” he said in a voice so low I could barely make it out , “And find a ledger, it has all my transactions in it.”

As he finished his sentence his lips accidentally caught mine like a partial kiss. I felt electric signals pulse through my body with the touch, but I let it pass because he was still talking.

“I need you to destroy all the stuff that I used to package it away too.”

“Is that in the club to ?”

“No, it’s in the room.”

In the duffel bag.

The one he had been so adamant about not letting me touch.

“Okay,” I said

“One more thing, Julie. I can’t stay here, I need to get out so we can still save Elisa,” he explained.

This conversation again. I couldn’t listen to this again.

My  body was still thinking about that last touch.

I wanted our lips to touch  again

I wanted to be intertwined in his embrace

I wanted to be on top of him

And if he wanted to take me on that bed right there

I would say yes.

“Okay ?” he said

I had  completely blanked out.

“I’m sorry ?” I said, “Can you repeat that.”

He rolled his eyes and stared at me angrily but, lowered his voice more forcing me to come closer.

“Once you’ve done all those things,” he whispered “ You have to come back to the hospital and figure out how to break me out of here.”