16.1

“Okay, great now break, now, now break, break,” Cortland instructed me as calmly as possible as we came closer and closer to the green lawn in front of me, his hand  hovering just over the wheel.

I hesitate and  think about where I was supposed to  put my foot before I push  my sandal as far into the pedal as quickly as possible, I screamed as we were pushed forward by some invisible force, He reached his arm protectively around my shoulder as my head snaps  back and hits the headrest. I turned to him horror stricken but, he had a that smug good natured smile on his face.

“Okay, hey good,” he said “Now slowly step slowly on the gas  so we can start again.”

“No, I don’t want to” I protested,pushing my foot harder into the brake

“Come on,” he pleaded

“This is too hard. I’m done.” I said in what I hoped was a definitive tone

We had a staring contest for a few seconds.

“How can I say no to those, eyes. You give Bambi a run for his money,” he smiles “Okay, fine, I’ll take the wheel” 

He unbuckled his seat belt and came around to the other side of the Audi but I stayed exactly where I was in my place at the drives seat, unsure about what to do next.

“Will it roll forward if I get out ?” I asked

“No,” he laughed as he opened my door.

Cortland and I had a strange relationship developing, he seemed to have an interest in keeping me company or maybe I had interest in keeping him company. After  the weekend we met Cortland and I had found some way to see each other every day after. It was where we learned about each other but or  more so I learned things about him. I was learning I wasn’t much more than I appeared.

He was going to be sophomore at Belford University. He was studying business. He has lived in Miami his whole life.

 On weekdays, he worked at the front desk of the Royal Palm Resort, one of the  most popular Resorts in the city. It was a Metro ride away from the Penthouse and he seemed to always know when my break was and we would eat lunch together in the middle of Violet Square. I wanted to think more of it but, for him I think most of it was about not eating alone.

“When I was in middle school, I was like the most unpopular kid,” he had told me, on Tuesday when we were sitting eating pretzels, “And I would always eat lunch by myself . . . right in the middle of the cafeteria because I never had a group I fit in with. So, It’s nice eating lunch with you because I feel like I always fit in. Like, I always have someone to eat lunch with.”

“That’s sad,” I had said.

“Not really,” he said,” I didn’t want to be a part of their little cliques. Plus, in high school, puberty caught up with me and suddenly everybody wanted me. “

After that conversation I just assumed he would want to have lunch every weekday. It was nice for me  because, I needed somewhere where I belonged too even if it was just for 30 minutes. I knew that leaving everyday to eat lunch with a 'customer' wasn’t helping my relationship with the other waitresses. I  was still catching more hatred from them and I had noticed the waitresses loved to use words like ‘us’ and ‘them’.

During the weekends, where I was pretty much at the Penthouse all day and night I would always run into him when I was leaving or going outside to get some air. I wondered how many times we had passed each other before and not noticed.

We had only ever seen each other when we were out so, I was surprised when he came by the apartment that morning (my promised Wednesdays off).

If he had only come by 5 minutes later.

Sawyer hadn’t left for the day yet so, he answered the door.  I introduced Cortland to Sawyer as my friend even though I greeted him with a kiss. I knew Sawyer had lots of things he wanted to say but, instead he just walked out. Elisa was kind enough to him and called him “the second hottest thing in her apartment.”

 When they left Cortland told  me it was a holiday.

Juliana Independence Day.

In the back of my head I knew Juliana,Julie and Julia had become her own persons a long time ago but, I played along with him and asked him what he was talking about.

He said he had the whole day planned out for me which included teaching me how to drive, trying for my learners permit and the one thing I dreaded the most, visiting Shoreline Community College. I had mentioned Sawyer’s idea about Shoreline during one of our lunches but, I didn’t think he would remember.

Looking over the driver manual over cereal was fine with me and kind of nice but 30 minutes into actually driving the car  I was finding driving harder than it appeared. We were practicing in the empty parking lot in front of his house. The brakes seemed overly sensitive and every time I put my foot on the gas I imagined losing control and running into something or someone popping out of nowhere.  I also imagined all the money it would cost if I damaged his car.

 

“It takes more than one day, I guess, “ he said  as he started the car up and kissed the side of my face.

I turned my body and  returned the kiss  on the lips, I let my hand crawl lightly over his face.

“Do you want me to make you feel good ?” I whispered to him.  Something I was good at.

Our relationship had been completely non-sexual but, I didn't see why I couldn't do for him what I did to a bunch of strangers.

“We have to go to the DMV. This day is about you, remember?”

 I turned back into my seat and settled for putting my hand over his on the gear shift (my new word for the day).

“How long did it take you ?” I asked as he backed expertly out of the odd angle I had left the car parked at.

“What?”

“To learn to drive  good,”

“I don’t even remember,” he smirked

He drove towards the DMV  as I flipped through the Florida driving manual.

Once at the DMV, we  took a seat in the waiting room.

I was sure driving  came harder for me because not only had I never driven a car before, up until I moved to Florida I had only been in a car 4 times in my life.

“There are only 20 questions on the test and you can miss 5, you can do this you are smart,” he told me.

“No, I’m not.” I said

“What is the maximum speed limit in a residential area ?” he said to me quietly.

“ 25 ?”

“Yes, and at what places is it unlawful to overtake and pass?

I leaned my head into his shoulder,

“I don’t know.”

I closed my eyes and I could see them ripping up my test now. Is that what they did when you failed ?

I had never taken a formal test in my life.

“You only need 15,” he reminded me, running his hand through my hair.

For the next hour I tried to concentrate on the driver’s manual but I couldn’t help but to concentrate on Cortland—who was playing  a game and twittering on his phone the entire time-- I was waiting for him to disappear, I mean why was he here with me? No one was holding a gun to his head, I wasn’t getting paid and he didn’t appear to have any secret perversions.

Or did he ?

They called my name and Cortland walked with me to the front desk, as they  took my forms the woman at the counter asked me to look behind her and recite the letters on the wall. I did and she wrote a check on one of the forms.

“Look, you passed one test,” Cortland whispered in my ear.

And I passed a second

The hearing test.

There was a barrier  set up between the waiting room and testing room and he watched from a distance as I struggled with the test. The signs were easy enough, STOP meant stop YIELD meant yield. I had figured out what road signs meant just from my many rides on the bus, back and forth.

After 40 minutes, being the last person in the testing  room I walked up to Cortland who hadn’t moved from the barrier where he was  still texting.

“Do I look pretty ?” I asked him, putting my hand over the phone screen.

“Of course, why ?”

“ I have to get my picture taken for my learners permit.” I said trying to sound calm  but, I was happy.

 

 

 

As we drove towards Shoreline Community College I couldn’t stop looking at the permit. I wasn’t planning on doing any driving anytime soon but, now I had an official ID.

At the college’s front desk, I was given all kinds of brochures and encouraged to look around  but nothing sparked my interest like I had hoped. How did they find people who were interested in being here and studying unexciting things. If anything the building seemed very gray and dark, I peered into what looked like a cafeteria.

Would I be eating by myself ?

“I think nursing would be fun , you can help people.” Cortland suggested looking at the brochure “Look at the happy people.”

“I hate blood,”

We went out a set of side doors and I saw people—students, I guess—sitting around a fountain looking at books and laptops ,a  group of women in scrubs chatting away, a few people skateboarding of railings. These people were supposed to be ‘on their way to success’ as the brochure said but, it didn’t look like they were doing anything.

“If I had to choose one of these careers  I would say they have some pretty good options and you can’t beat the price,” Cortland said, “Look, what about  cosmetology, you always look so made up, you could do that.”

 “No,” I disagreed taking the brochure away from him, “What is tri-shi-naylsis ?”

“Trichoanaylsis ? I don’t  fuc—I don’t know,” he said

“I don’t care if you swear,” I said.

“I wasn’t going to,” he said, “ Anyway I’m pretty sure tricho is the Greek root for hair so maybe it’s about analyzing hair ,maybe ?”

 “Your smart, “ I observed, putting my hands around his waist so I was straddling his legs,  walking infront of him.

“No I’m not, I just  happen to remember that from high school.”

“Yes you are,” I said ,”Your going to be a business man.  You have to be smart. “

“Well,you’re going to be a smart—whatever you want to be. Okay now one last stop to the bank”

 “No. I can’t do anymore. I’m  just tired and hungry.”

“Okay how about we go back to my place and I make you lunch?”

“You cook?”

“Let’s see what I can do “

 

 

We went back to his share and with only 2 guys playing video games in the living room, it was surprisingly empty. He set up what he called the beer pong table in his bedroom where I waited while he made lunch.

It was only the second time I had been to his house and the first time I had been in his room. The bed (well, the  mattress on the floor) was made up with a Miami Dolphins comforter. The wall was covered with posters of movies, alcohol logos and women. Hanging on the back of the door was a  wooden stick with letters and shapes on it. The floor was covered in clothes, shoes and bottles, there was even a few birthday balloons still in the corner. It wasn’t much to look at but atleast it was his.

I turned to see his computer sitting next to me and came face to face with myself. The picture on the screensaver was from his birthday night. I was sitting in his laps but my legs were suggestively draped over his leg, my hair had fallen flat into my face he had a beautiful (or drunken) smile on his face like he had won a big prize. I couldn’t decided if I liked the photo or not but before I could it switched to a photo of a group of men in green and gold  in front of a mansion, my eyes went directly to his face in the front. The  next photo was a picture of him with his parents—who looked very young—he was wearing a graduation robe and had his arm around his parents.

The screensaver entertained me for 20 minutes, just watching all the moments in his life, I was developing some favorites until he came back into the room.

He was holding a plate with 2 sandwiches and  2 beers.

I didn’t drink beer, I though he knew that but I decided to just suck it down.

“What’s that ?” I asked pointing to a wooden stick on the wall.

“It’s a paddle,” he said opening the beer,” Sigma Kappa Delta.”

He took a long drink from the beer.

“You can’t drive after drinking that,” I said smartly.

“She gets her learners permit and suddenly she knows it all,” he teased me “How many did you miss anyway ? ”

I took the test out of my purse to see I had missed 4, my face dropped when I saw something but I let it go.

“What ?” he asked, clearly noticing the quick change in my expression

“Nothing,” I said,”Is their mayo on this ?” 

There had been something.  

I had missed an important question

If your name has been legally changed, how would you go about getting it changed on your driver license?

My permit said Juliana Reese.

I guess it was useless until I changed my name back.

I looked back up to see Cortland was on his laptop.

I leaned back onto his bed, it felt like air and the sheets smelled surprisingly clean. It was the softest thing I had laid down on in days.

“You okay ?” he asked

“I like your bed,” I said,” Elisa’s couch is not comfy”

“Poor baby. It’s an air mattress, so you are actually laying on air,” he told me as he clicked on to a Facebook page.

I kicked off my sandals and let them dangle  from my toes before tossing them in his direction, he turned to see what I was doing. I was sure  from his position at the foot of the bed I was sure he could see straight down my skirt but, I didn’t care.

“Can I take a nap ?” I asked

“You can do whatever you want,” he said reaching over and throwing my shoes on the floor.

I started to go back to the thoughts I had in the DMV about Cortland but I was distracted by how comfy I was, for once I could sleep in peace. I closed my eyes.

I felt something vibrate against my thigh. I looked up to see I was in the dark, my phone underneath my leg in Cortland’s empty bedroom. I looked at the phone, it was Sawyer’s number, I turned to the clock next to me to see it was midnight.

I turned on the lights and looked around to see no one in the room. I wanted to see if Cortland was outside but,  I was afraid of running into one of his roommates. I stood by the bedroom door and listened and heard nothing. I gathered up some courage and opened the door peaking  through to see an empty hallway, all the doors were closed. I ventured down the hall to see the whole house was empty. I took out my phone and called Cortland

“Hey,” he said

“Hi, where are you ?” I asked

“I went out. You said you wanted to stay the night.”

“I did ?”

“You really can’t take beer can you ? You were knocked out. I said ‘do you want me to drop you off home’ you said ‘no’, I said ‘do you want to stay the night’ and you said ‘fine’.  It’s okay, I’ll sleep on the couch unless you want me to come take you home ?”

I had a faint memory of the conversation.

“I think Sawyer might be upset if I go back now,” I said

“What ? I’m sorry I can’t really hear you, it’s loud in here”

“No,” I said

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.”

I was mad at myself for not hearing the phone earlier. I had done my best to keep up with our agreement (or really Sawyer’s rules) but, I knew he was always stressed and if I went back now I would never hear the end of it.

 

At 7 AM the next morning, I was still alone in the house so,  I left a note thanking Cortland for letting me take his bed and I took a bus and train to the Penthouse.

i had learned from Kennedy I could leave my uniform in the back closet, not that anyone bothered to tell me. I slipped into the stark white  deep necked  blouse and  black mini skirt and had to spend another 45 minutes on my hair and make-up until Kennedy agreed I looked appropriate. She loosened one button on my shirt as we walked into the dining room when I saw Sid walked passed us doubling over in laughter.

“You look nice, Juliana” he laughed

Kennedy rolled her eyes at him but, when I came up to the bar I saw Sawyer sitting at a bar stool.

My first instinct kicked in and I headed for the opposite direction but, I could hear him coming towards me. I shot a look at Sid who was behind me but he just seemed amused.

“Juliana where the hell were you I called you a million times,” Sawyer practically yelled at me even he was a foot behind me. I turned towards him.

“I’m sorry,” I lied

“You can’t keep doing this,” he said, we were getting the attention of everyone else in the empty club (especially from the other waitresses).

I closer to him and took his hand and put it into mine and  with some force attempted to lead him into one of the curtained private rooms.

“What are you doing ?” he asked as followed behind me.

“Quieter here,” I explained as I pulled the curtain closed.

There was also no audience.

“What was yesterday ?” he shot at me accusingly.

“Wednesday ?”

“Guess again,” he said,” You were supposed to go to the doctor to get a blood test, they left a message on the phone. They are going to charge you a fee now, I hope you know that. You need to reschedule it’s important I shouldn’t have to tell you this,”

“I forgot,” I admitted

“ I told you before I left but you were with that guy and if you listened to my messages you would have known, you need to reschedule It’s important. You need to do it as soon as possible do you even understand that ?,”

“Okay, I’m sorry,”

“You already said that,”

He walked out of the room , I followed and watched as he walked  out of the club.

 

   --------

Sawyer

I wanted to turn around and regret not what I said but the way I had said it. I knew that for those few seconds I actually took pleasure in seeing her dejected. I was a control freak I knew that but, I wasn’t trying to control her.

I guess I just was. Why had I done that ?

I guess I took pride in the your wrong and I’m right, the way things should be. I walked around the corner to where I had parked my car and headed back in the opposite direction until I was too far away to turn back. I took out my phone and dialed  Elisa.

“Hey,”

“Hey,babe”

“Did you see Juliana ?” she asked

“Yeah, she just forgot. Can you believe that ?”

“Yes, I mean you forgot my birthday  was today,”

“Shit, really ?”

“No, but you could have,” she laughed ,”Are you heading back to work ?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact all the lawyers are out so I’m thinking about doing it today.”

“Sawyer, I don’t think you should do it,”

“I know, I just I have to make peace with this before I can move on.”

“ I feel like you should know you are doing this for yourself more than you are for them.”

“Either way, I have to do this.” I said I came up beside a space in front if the Hendrix Group,”I have to go I’ll talk to you later.”

I clicked the phone off  and parallel parked the car. Using my key to get into the building, I saw there were no messages on the machines and the streets were practically empty so, I went into the back to where all the files were kept and looked for the file.

My file.

I had it in my mind to go and find this family I had hurt and let them know how terrible I feel, I had to make amends I couldn’t them think I was a terrible person. I had to look this fireman in his face and apologize.I wanted to be a victim of circumstance too but, I’m not sure If I could be. When I finally found the Morrison address I wrote it down.

I most likely wasn’t going to see them this week or anytime soon but I had to have the option

------- 

Juliana

“Okay, how do we want to do this ?” Miss. Timothy asked as she spun around in her chair.

“Can we put it on my card ?” I asked

She nodded expertly typing on her computer.

As she left to go scan the card I looked around her office , it was just as personal as a bedroom. Every inch was covered in kittens; kittens on pens, kitten calendar, kitten mug, kitten post-it and much more.

It was a friendly little office.

“Are you a student ?” she asked coming back in.

I shook my head

“Well, I was only asking because there is a lot of discounts for students to get health insurance. I’ll just stretch the cost over . . .”

I couldn’t really comprehend what she was saying after that but, I knew it was helpful.

 “Okay,” she said,”We are done. Is there anything else I can do for you ? Maybe give you the number to a community clinic where you can get your actomenaphine for free with a pay stub. “

“I’d like that,”

She began ruffling through her desk

“Does that hurt to bad?” she asked pointing to the pink bandage on my arm

“No,” I  said

“Good, here is the card and we are done, it was nice meeting you Juliana.” She said

“You too,” I said. I was sure it was a nicety but something about the comment struck me. Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to people being nice to me.

As I headed to the Metro, I looked down at the band aid again and put pressure on  it to feel the pain. I closed my eyes and remembered shamefully as it took 2 nurses to calm me down about  getting a needle stuck in my arm. They had to hold my hand so I would resist pulling it out, I had no idea when I had become so impulsive.

I was still pretty upset about having to miss my lunch with Cortland to go to the hospital. I looked at my phone to see I still had atleast 20 minutes to spend with Cortland before I had to go back to work.

I practically skipped all the way to the center of Violet Square but, it was empty.

 I guess he wasn’t waiting for me.

“Juliana,”

I turned around to see Cortland behind me holding a white rose.

“For you,” he mouthed

“Thank you,”

He sat down next to me.

“I realized something,” he said,”This was the first time in 3 weeks I didn’t spend my lunch with you and it made me feel really sad. I think I really like you, I want to ask you to be mine. I don’t know if you feel the same way, I won’t feel so stupid if you say no.”

I looked at the rose and turned it around in my hand, it seemed different.

“I took the thorns out so, it wouldn’t hurt you.”

I wanted to know where this was coming from, what this meant but instead I kissed him, I wanted to let my tongue slip into his mouth but he pulled back.

“And on Wednesday I have an entire day planned for us, including dinner at a really nice restaurant on me.”

“Okay,” I  said, pressing into him more but, he pulled back

“I want you to come over to my place tonight.” He said.

I never turned down an invitation not to be at Sawyer and Elisas. I went back to kissing him I was addicted to the feeling.

“ I want to formally introduce you to my housemates, tonight”

This time I pulled back and looked at him.

I wanted to protest. I didn’t want to do that but, I ignored it. I could deal with it for Cortland.

Because he made me feel so happy.

***

“ . . .There  was a nurse on each side of me holding my hands, the pain wasn’t bad but,  I almost cried.”  I said as Cortland pulled into his driveway.  I never realized how much I missed telling him about my day until we didn’t have time.

He put his arm around me as we walked up to his house, I nervously clutched the canvas grocery  bag in my hand. I didn’t know what to expect but, inside it was the same, they were all in their respective screens talking about something in coherent, eating pizza barely giving us a second glance.

“Hey, guys” Cortland said and they all turned to look at me. I recognized one or two faces of guys who had probably seen my ass during Cortland’s birthday.

“This is Julia, we are dating now, so I want to formally introduce her.”

I heard one of them make a whistling sound but Cortland ignored it.

“Okay, Julia this is my little brother, Hunt I have no idea why he is here but, okay.”

Hunt looked a lot younger than Cortland, it was hard to believe they were related. He had a full round face, with long hair that curled just at the nape of his neck. His smile was sweeter than his brother’s whose smile was more of a smirk. He looked like the kind of person who you would probably walk up to if you were lost in a crowd.

“And this is Daven and West my fraternity brothers, and my friends Synclair and Paxton,” I was greeted with some hellos and stares.

“Hi,” I said, in a tiny voice.

They were all staring at me, I wasn’t sure if they just didn’t like me or if it was because my shorts were so low on my hips the top of my thong was showing.

“I brought um  . . . “ I said as I shuffled through the grocery store bag in my hand.

“Cupcakes,” I said pulling out the devil’s food cupcake kit

“Awesome,” said Hunt.

“I’ll show you the kitchen,” Cortland walking me to the kitchen, it opened out to the living room so I could make out the sounds of the TV and their conversation I was sure they wanted to talk about  me.  I pushed over and empty case of beer and chip bag and started opening the cupcake box taking out the holders.

“You look sad,” Cortland said handing me a bowl

“That was really hard,” I admitted. “ I don’t think they like me.”

“I like you so they will too. You should give people more consideration”

“The girls at work hate me.”

I was sure he was sick of me talking about how I was sure they all hated me. The way I always seemed to get the short end of the tips, the looks they gave me, how they never helped me.

He pulled me close to him in an embrace

“Do you know why they hate you ?” he asked, “Because they are jealous and they are all bitches.”

He  lowered his head and kissed me.

The rest of the night went better than I expected.

Even though I had never baked anything in my life my cupcakes were good. I sat on their futon and quietly listened to all sorts of stories about Cortland. I was the center of attention in a good way.

***

“This say 20% off” I said

I handed the man the 20% coupon that had slipped out of Elisa’s morning paper.

“It is. That’s why it’s 35$,” the sulky clerk said to me,”It’s 8$ off.”

“Is 8 from 44 really 35 ?” I asked

He took out a calculator and showed me the math.

I was wrong.

I took out my newest addition to my wallet and paid for the dress. I looked at the clock and ran across town as fast as I could in order to get to the club in time.

Yesterday, before I went to the doctors I had stopped by the Palm First Bank where they treated me extremely nice to me. I had walked in to get a checking account but, I walked out with checks, a checking card and a credit card.

When I made it to the Penthouse I quickly changed  and tried to stuff the American Apparel bag in the dark corner of the my little cubby. A few of my things had been known to go missing.

I rushed out to where all the other waitresses were gathered around Kennedy at the bar, I tried to squeeze in between two of the girls to get to the front seeing as I was the shortest one at 5 foot 3. I had missed most of the meeting but heard a few last minute things before the weekly schedule was passed to me.

I couldn’t believe it.

As soon as most of the girls were out of earshot I walked up to Kennedy

“You were late, again,” she greeted me

“ I know, I’m sorry, but um,  I’m supposed to have Wednesdays off,”

More importantly I had this Wednesday off where Cortland had taken the time (and most likely money) to put together a whole day for me.

“I’m sorry but, Ashley is starting summer classes so I need you to cover her.”

“I have plans, please. ”

“I can’t tell a girl she has to work instead of academics. Look, it’s only during the day shift you can still make dinner.”

I wondered how she knew “plans”meant Cortland.

I wasn’t done fighting.

I smiled and walked away from  her towards the private room , I opened curtains until I saw Sid asleep on a couch.

“Sid,” I said shaking him

“Yeah, ?” he said, he opened his eyes to me and smiled, “This is just like in my fantasies.”

“Kennedy didn’t give me Wednesday off and I wanted to know if you could work something out with her. It’s just you promised me . . . “

“I really don’t  want to argue with  Kennedy, I mean she used to box and all . . .  come on I mean it’s just one Wednesday and when I said you could have all Wednesdays’ off I was, well . . .  lying. The only thing I’m really in charge of is casting so , unless you want to re-audition . . .”

I stood and stared at him, hoping if I stayed long enough his answer would change but he just closed his eyes and ignored me.

I turned to walk out.

“Wait Juliana,”

I turned back to him.

“Yes ?”

“Your boobs look great,”

I rolled my eyes and walked out

“You could at least help me up . . . “  he called after me.

 

I tried not to let my disappointment show when I walked back out.

I should have never trusted Sid to keep a promise.

I felt the floor give underneath my foot and I slipped and fell into a puddle of ice, letting out an involuntary scream.

Everyone turned to me and I head a few laughs.

I picked myself up and kept walking.

They're jealous

    ---------

I couldn’t help checking myself in the mirror every now and then to see if I still looked as I had when I walked out of the salon 4 hours ago. I had been told before that I had big eyes but, I didn’t see it until now with my brighter (or platinum as the stylist called it) shade of blonde. The woman had blown it out and pulled it straight making it appear longer again.

Despite having to go into work that afternoon that morning,  I had taken the liberty of having my hair and nails done and even let them do my makeup. I knew I couldn’t really afford it but I knew anything I did would pale in comparison to what Cortland probably paid for the restaurant. I had left my navy blue mini dress in the back and  intended to change clothes and meet him at the restaurant as soon as I was free of this place.

We agreed not to see each other until our date.

 I was thankful when 7 pulled around and I said goodbye to my last customers and went into Kennedy’s office to clock out.

“Where are you going ?” she asked

“Dinner. I’m off now” I said.

“Don’t take an attitude with me,” she said

“I wasn’t. Sorry,” I said

“Well, Ashley is going to be doing school stuff for a little while longer so,  I need you to be here the rest of the night.”

 “I had plans. . . “

“I’m in charge of staff and I will always let academic purposes overshadow so unless you have a class to go to I’m sorry. If you work I won’t dock your check for those days you were late.”

“This isn’t fair” I dared

“You work for me, I can do whatever the hell I want and don’t think you aren’t replaceable because every single girl in her is. Except for me. Go back out there and do your job and be happy about it.” She said and walked out.

I hated the feeling of disappointment.

I took out my phone and dialed Cortland’s number, chipping the shimmery blue nail polish on my flawless manicure. It didn’t matter now.

“Hey” he said

“I can’t go with you tonight,” I said

“What ? What did I do ?”

“I have to work.”

“You said it was only for the day   . . . come on can’t you get out of it, cancelling reservations could cost more than your meal.”

“If another girl has some school or child thing she gets time off so I have to fill in and I already have two strikes against me,”I whined into the phone

“Does that give you any ideas ?” he asked.

“A little bit,”

“Man, I really wanted to go out with you tonight, they are having this awesome indie band at Metropolis, we were going to check out. They are the shit and this is their last performance. Dammit, this sucks”

“Just go without me and take your brother to dinner,” I offered. Hunt was the only one name and face I really remembered

“I guess, I could do that. Damn, I really wanted it to be with you. Hey maybe  I can pick you up and maybe we can still do dessert.”

“Sure.”

 I saw Kennedy shooting me a glare so I hung up the phone and tried to bottle down all my feelings of anger and be pleasant to the customer.

“You look really pretty, You get all dressed up because you knew I was coming ?”

I tried not to roll my eyes.

***

Despite being past midnight I still touched up my make-up, made sure my hair was lying flat and put on the dress and headed out to met Cortland. Despite the fact that I could still barely function in the 3 inch black high heels, I all but ran when I saw him; standing front of the  the  silver Audi

He stared at me like he had never seen me before

“I’m taking a photo of you and putting it under sexy in Wikipedia.” He smiled as he took a photo with his phone.

He opens the car door for me and we head through the still alive streets of Miami.

I expected to go to a restaurant or some lounge but I was surprised when Cortland  headed towards his house.

“What about dessert ?” I asked

“Everything is closed so, I brought it back here earlier,” he said

We walked in and West and Daven were mixing drinks in the living room so, Cortland led me back to his room.

I sat on his bed while he went into the kitchen,  he came back with a white carton

Of ice cream

“This is cantaloupe ice cream with dark chocolate chips,” he said opening it. “It’s what I was eating when I fell for you.”

He then gave me a bag.

“And this is  a  last minute present.”

I opened it and was disappointed as I took the items out

“A fork, a candle and a rock ?” I tried not to act let down.

“Well, tonight I thought we would go to dinner at Blue Door, then to see the Spirits at the  Metroplis and then we would have gone to the beach for dessert. So, that’s a fork from Blue Door , a candle from the Metropolis and a rock from the beach.”

“Thank you,” I said, “I’ll keep them forever”

“Actually we should throw them out . . . I kinda stole them and they might be evidence,” he laughed

He walked across the room  and put his phone on it’s speakers.

“And then I thought we would go to the middle of Violet Square and dance with everyone watching” He turned on the music.

We sat and listened and I playfully moved my head to the rhythmic beats.

But nothing's greater than the rush
That comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
Maybe, maybe

He smiled.

“You don’t want to dance to you ?” he said

“I’ve been on my feet all day,” I also had no rhythm

He had gone through so much. I leaned over and started playfully biting his ears, I put my knees in his lap and started kissing his lips, his hands traced over my hair and down my body, his hand was feeling the strings that held together the  thong I was wearing.

The touch tickled me and I laughed, as he places a kisses on my chest.

“I want to fuck you,” he breathed.

 Usually when men said this it repelled me but, when he said it I felt a tiny burst of excitement.

“I want to be married,” I told him, running my hands over his head messing up his always too perfect hair.

I was surprised I had said anything at all. Did I still really believe in the importance of marriage, especially seeing as mine had just been thrown away anyway.

“Well, I would marry you but, I want to graduate have a job first and so, you can do whatever you want and not work at a club with those bitches. I want to be with you but,  I don’t  know if I can wait 2 years I mean, can you ? .”

“2 years is a long time,” I acknowledged.

“I think I am falling in love with you. You make me feel . . .happy. I honestly can't imagine living life without you.Shouldn’t that be what you want more than a marriage ?”

I just kept kissing him, even though I could feel his erection getting harder against my leg and I felt my own body reacting. I was getting aroused to.

 “I really want to fuck you,” he repeated

“Okay,” I said, pulling away from him and lying down in the softness of his bed. I smiled as he got on top of me and when I heard his belt coming off I felt another rush of excitement

He was an inch away from me.

“Have you done this before ?” he asked

“No,”

It wasn’t a total lie, this would be a new experience.

I felt a sensation of pressure as he pushed his way inside me. Every few minute of so he would kiss my face as I listened to the rhythm of his labored breaths, I let my hands trace over his back and his forearms. The constant rhythms of his breath, the music and the sound of the mattress rocking made me feel slightly tired, I was about to yawn but instead I let out a loud sigh.

He took it to mean something else and started to thrust harder into me. I held on to the sheets to keep myself balanced but, I felt my eyes wandering over the room. I imagined this room would be really spacious without all of the things on the floor.

Then  I felt something change; he stopped

“Shit,” he said.

Then something clicked

“Did you use protection ?” I asked as he pulled out of me.

“No, but it’s fine West has a Plan B you can take in the morning. It’s just  I heard most girls have a hard time their first time but, you seemed fine. ”

“Hm,”

“I guess that means we were meant to be together,”

“ Maybe.”

Even though I was sure there were a million other reasons why we were  meant to be together

------

Sawyer

“Elisa, I’m concerned, how can you just eat ?” I asked her as she twirled her spaghetti fettuccini around her fork.

“Well,” she said, cutting a piece of the steak “It’s an all you can eat buffet so . . . yeah. Just following orders”

“It’s after midnight; I mean she is supposed to call,” I said pushing my empty beer bottle around the table.

“Well, gee dad, I’m sure she is fine,” she said sarcastically, “Now come on don’t act like you don’t enjoy all of the time without her. Don’t act like you don’t like that we have the apartment all to ourselves.”

“You can’t say that.”

At least not out loud.

“What do you mean out loud ? Because I know you  were thinking it.”

It scared me how in tune she could be with me sometimes.

“So?” I admitted, “And what’s with this guy, anyway ? He is one of those rich types and  you can’t trust them.”

She rolled her eyes

“How would you feel if it was Carmen ?” I asked her, “Out late at night with some guy you didn’t know or trust. Even though she is in the army you would still be pissed.”

“Don’t use my sister as an example ,” she said,” Okay, yes  I would be upset but only because our parents aren’t here and  I am all she has and I have her best interest in mind—crap did I just prove your point ?”

I put my hand close to hers and out pinkies interlocked for a second.

Our little way of touché –ing each other when we one upped the other.

When I had first met him I didn’t trust him. Cortland. And the more time Julina spent with him the less I trusted her

“It’s just—“

“If this is about Juliana I don’t want to hear it. She is an adult I’m sure she is fine.” She said and put a fork of food in my mouth

“What the hell is that ?” I said spitting it into my napkin.

“I don’t know I was hoping you would know.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the address I had stolen from the file and put it on the table

“What’s this ?” she asked

“Ronald Morris. That is the name of the firefighter I hurt. I’m going to see him and his family.
Elisa rolled her eyes and threw her fork down

“Why are you doing this ? It wasn’t your fault, it was the junkie who knocked the flame over.”

“Not really,” I said

 “What do you mean ?”

“My burns are chemical burns, I knocked the chemicals over. If it was just from the flame it could have been a little fire but I was so shocked from being stabbed and mixing with the chemicals I—look the point is I have to do this. I need to let them know I’m not a criminal.”

“Okay, but I’ll go with you.”

“I want to do it first thing in the morning before I over think it.”

“You ? Overthink never.” She joked, “Okay, first thing.”

 

But, it wasn’t the first thing we did in the morning. The first  thing I had to deal with was a Juliana. A slightly buzzed Juliana.

She stumbled into the apartment with her hair in a sloppy ponytail, he face was covered in smeared  make- up, a dress that barely covered her body carrying a pair of black heels.

“Hi,” she said and made her way over to the coat closet she kept her clothes in.

“Where the hell were you ? I called you, I was worried.” I tried to remember the regret I felt last time for getting to angry and tried to calm down but, I was already pissed. I could smell the liquor on her breath.

“I’m sorry I—“

“Don’t you think the fact that you are always apologizing should make you realize you are always making mistakes. Are you drunk ?”

“I had one—no”

“I can't believe this. You make everything harder than it has to be. You get to live here rent free you could try being courteous.”

“I am” she said,”You are just mad because I . . .” she whined something incoherently at me.

“It’s like you don’t get anything,” I said (okay yelled), “You have no idea how much you stress me out.  I wish I could just get rid of you but I can’t. You make me so god damn frustrated.”

“Whore. Slut. Bitch.,” she said. I wasn’t expecting that.  “Those are the words I hear thrown at me. I’m sorry Sawyer that  I get to tease men with my body and that  I like it and make money for it.  You are  really mad because they want me and you don’t and never did. You are pathetic because if you did want me I would have given myself to you and you would have liked it. You are pathetic.”

“You are so  drunk. What the hell are you talking about ? I’m pathetic ? You can’t even drive.”

“You never tried to teach me because you are a control freak,”

“You are a mess. You are dressed like that for the attention no matter how negative.”

 “That’s not true. You’re just mad because I can wear short sleeve," she slurred

I walked up and  grabbed her shoulders, I wanted to shake some sense into her but,  I  stopped to think and I decided to let go but she moved to fight and she ended up stumbling into the couch.

"You pushed me," she accused me

“No I--Sorry,”

“I hate you Sawyer, you have to have power everything, I hate being around you, you make me so mad," she said, throwing an empty hanger at me.

“Fine.  You know what  ? You win you are an ungrateful little bitch.” I walked over to her bag and threw it out, “You think you are better than me then get out. ”

---

Juliana

I was already out of the door,  as I walked towards anywhere I reached into my bag and pulled out the wedding ring and threw it as far as I could.