It was an oddly intimate scene given the circumstances in the black SUV, but it was also comforting.

When we crossed the Mississippi/Louisiana state line I began to feel listless and tired.  Because I was sitting in the middle seat and had nothing to lean against I let my head roll down and rest against Rhett’s chest, I could feel the slow beats of his heart vibrating in my ear. My perfectly manicured bare fingers were tangled with Cecelia’s short bright pink fingernails.  The radio had long ago turned to static and we were all silent feeling each others pulses. The tension on what we were driving to   was so focused the none of the touches meant anything, we weren’t really there we weren’t really feeling anything. 

I couldn’t see anything in front of my face except the dark road that was occasionally lit up by headlights heading in the opposite direction. But, I could imagine what was happening in the rest of the car. Greg was probably holding intently to the steering wheel  as if he needed all the focus to keep the car moving forward and judging by the sounds from the front seat I imagined Sam was looking back every 5 minutes to make sure Cecelia was alright even though he could not see her. As for Raliegh, I was sure he was in the back row clutching his gun waiting for Rhett to give him a reason to put a bullet in his head.

Pretty soon there were no more cars on the road as we headed deep into the forest, Greg cut the car headlights off and it looked like we were moving along based on his pure instinct. After a few minutes Greg stopped the car.

 “Okay,” Greg breathed

As Greg got out of the front seat Rhett undid his seatbelt and took Greg’s place as the driver. I undid my seatbelt and  laid flat on the bottom of the car, with my back pressing into the floor. Raleigh who I didn’t  know all that well (except for the fact his sister brought me a cookbook for my wedding) had moved from the back row laid down next to me and pulled me close to him--so we were as close as possible-- his mouth was just above my ear. Our legs we close to being entagled and I could feel the rubber sole of my sneaker was pushed into his calf but I was to cramped to adjust. I knew in the trunk behind us Cecelia, Sam and Greg where in a similar position.

Now it appeared as though Rhett was the lone passenger in the car. Rhett started the car and headed the last few miles to the commune gates.

“Okay ?” Raleigh whispered to me.

I nodded my head. My knee was practically pushed into my stomach and I could feel parts of my body falling asleep but I didn’t say that.

I was fine.

I had to be

We all had to be.

 

After I said my last good bye to Cortland, Rhett and I had been able to silently get back into the apartment just before everyone else woke up. During a quiet breakfast of  cold cereal we went over the finer details of what was going to happen during the day. We all took a cab to the airport where we boarded an early flight to Mississippi. I had kept silent most of the day, I was trying to keep calm but, the truth was that I was losing it.

But I couldn’t let it show.

When we landed in Mississippi the memory of being here just a day earlier with Rhett hit me hard. I was beginning to remember exactly where I was going and what that could mean.  It seemed like my instincts had taken over my mind.  The closer we got to the doors of the tiny airport the more my body resisted moving forward. Finally when we were just a few feet from the doors I stopped.

“Are you okay ?”Cecelia had asked, she was the only one who noticed I couldn’t move towards the door.

I  felt involuntary tears forming in my eyes.

When had I turned into such a crybaby ?

“I can’t” I admitted “I--I’m sorry—I  can’t go back,” successfully holding back the tears from falling.

“What about your father ?” Greg asked, coming towards me-- speaking to me like I was a child. Greg  knew nothing and I resented him for that

“You don’t know what he’s like ! If we get caught, he is going to—he does –“ before I could finish the tears had taken over  and wouldn’t stop falling.

Never before had I been so crippled with fear. I wanted to be brave but at that moment I lost it all. Caine was winning.

I walked towards the wall next to the sliding doors and leaning against it, slid down the wall.

“Fuck this.” Rhett sneered and walked past me and out the automatic door. He stood on the other side of it watching us. Everyone else looked confused on whether to stay with me or follow him

“Where the hell do you think you’re going ?” Raleigh asked.

“There ain’t no room for fear,” Rhett said,” Anyway, I was gonna bring the car around. Figure it’s better use than watching Ms. Juliana bitch out on us.”

“I don’t trust you. I’m going with you,” Raliegh said and turned to everyone else,”We’ll be right back with the car.”

I watched out the side of my eye as Raliegh and Rhett exited the airport.

“Juliana,” Cecelia said  turning her attention to me and reaching for my hand, “I don’t know much but—I believe--this is different. We are all doing this together and if we support each other nothing will happen to any of us. There is power in numbers and communing . . .  if United Light has taught us nothing.”

I knew it was hard for me to imagine going back to Caine when I had come so close to being free of him but I knew it was harder for Cecelia to suddenly realize everything she believed in was an illusion.

I got up and taking Cecelia’s arm we walked towards the airport doors. Sam joined in and put his arm around Cecelia’s waist and Greg took my other hand.  As soon as we got to the doors I saw the familiar black SUV pulled up with Raleigh in the drivers seat.

“Everything okay ?” he asked tossing Greg the keys

“Yes,” I said, feeling stupid for my mini breakdown.

Somehow we had just created an unofficial bond and mission. We were going to not only expose Caine  and save out family members but we were going to save each other.

That little bond is what made those  intimate and close moments in the car seem like nothing.

With my head pushed into the floor of the darkened  car I could feel the engine going softer and the car  slowed up as Rhett reached the gate of the commune. I felt the hot South air as Rhett rolled down his window.

“You turned around, sir ?” The TL at the gate asked Rhett.

“It’s me, TL153. I got a hell of a story and sensitive information  for Caine. I know he is at that benefit but I gotta get in now.” Rhett told him

“ 153 . . . you were Caine’s bodyguard , right?”the TL asked almost in awe.

“I still am and if you don’t let me in right now, it will be your ass,” he said pointing to the headset over his ears, that in reality did not work.

There was a pause and the TL seemed to  be thinking it over but, finally Rhett was alllowed  through the gates.

He drove until we reached a clear patch near the old baseball field--it was a far distance from any home or TL post. Getting out of the car and taking in the fresh air, it all seemed so quiet and quaint.

“Okay, so I guess we all know what is going on so, let’s just do this.” Greg said,” And no matter what happens we keep to the plan.”

I was sure there was no way anyone was going to stick to that statement, we all cared to much.

It wasn’t that the plan was hard or complicated, in reality the plan was simple and worked in 3 phases.

Rhett and I would  walk from the baseball field back to Caine’s home  and  once we were inside we would break into his office and steal his laptop and get any incriminating evidence  against him. Meanwhile Greg and Cecellia  would use the black SUV (which most would assume was carrying Caine)  to get my dad while Raleigh and Sam went for Mrs. Winston.

Once they had the Mrs. Winston and my dad they  would all leave the commune as soon as possible with the car. Once we had all the information on Caine, Rhett and I would take his scooter  out of the commune. Our priorities were getting our loved ones out and then getting Caine. The biggest issue was going to be getting around the newly enforced curfews and the pairs of TLs walking around armed with flashlights and tasers.

Before I could wish anyone good luck and safety Rhett already had my arm and we were running towards Caine’s house. The street was silent and as we got closer the commune appeared nearly empty.  Like everyone was gone.

When we reached the large home, Rhett lead me around to the back of the  of the house, I had never seen this part. Once we were in the backyard  he opened a pair of cellar doors in the ground . The stairs behind the doors descended into the basement where he lived with the other TL’s.

I tried to walk down the stairs as quietly as possible but before Rhett and I could make it to the floor a light came on and I saw the young TL--TL14 or Ricky’s face was illuminated by the nearby lamp.

“What is going on ?” the young boy said reaching in his nightstand for his weapon

“It’s me,” Rhett said, sounding almost annoyed, ”Calm down,”

“I’m reporting to Caine,” Ricky said reaching for a headset

“No!” Rhett yelled

“But, Caine and Reiter said if you came back, we should,” Ricky explained

“Look, just don’t—I’ll do it. I just need to get into uniform first and all. This is a misunderstanding and I’m probably in big trouble and I wanted to look sharp. That’s why I came in this way.”

“And her ?”  Ricky asked

“She ain’t your responsibility. She’s mine,” he responded

“What happened to you ?” Ricky asked, “Everyone thinks you were with the dissenters and you planned the killing. You must be freaking out.”

“I was just doing my job and things got out of hand, okay ? Now, mind your own business.” Rhett responded, pulling his shirt off

I stared nervously at the wall as Rhett changed clothes.  Once he looked like a nameless TL again he took my arm and led me up the stairs.

“We have to be quick about this,” I whispered as Rhett’s grasp on my arms tightened on me

“Okay,” he agreed but, we weren’t making it to the top floor of the house.

 Standing at the top of the staircase was Caine—dressed in a crisp black suit, he was bordered by two TL’s

What was he doing here ? Why wasn’t he at the fundraiser ?

Before I could even think of speaking  I turned  and headed in the opposite direction –back down the stairs--only to be stopped by Rhett blocking my path.

“What are you doing ?” I screamed but, Rhett only turned me around and pushed his knee into the back of mine-- my knees buckled  I fell on the stair in a kneeling position  as one of Caine’s TL’s bound my arms.

“It is a good thing I only go to events for the last 20 minutes,” Caine finally said,” You know I really hate traitors”

“I’m no traitor, sir” Rhett reasoned,” I will admit I made mistakes but, I brought her back and if you spare my life I can tell you where a group of defectors are and what they are planning.”

The realization of Rhett turning his back on me—on us made me so sick I almost felt myself ready to throw up.

“No,” I said

“Shut  up,” Caine said to me and then turned to the TL’s by his side "Take Juliana back downstairs. Mr. Clark and I will talk upstairs,” he ordered.

“Rhett !” I yelled as I was pulled down the stairs "You son of a bitch ! How could you ? ! You’re a fucking lair !”

“I’ve been called worse,” he said, an uneasy look on his face as he turned his back on me.

I was led down the rest of the stairs and once he unbound me I was pushed into the floor of the basement and the door closed behind me. I was left alone in the total darkness. I looked around for any kind of light and in the far corner, I could see a sliver of moonlight. I headed for the source of the moonlight and tripping over who knows what  I made it to the window and  looked.  My view was obstructed by trees and the rose bushes.

I had been trying to see something through the thick bushes for a few minutes when the lights came on and the room was flooded with artificial lights--blinding me. For the first time I could see the blood, dead bugs and other items I could not make out the littered the floor. I  saw the figures of Caine, Rhett and the two other TL’s coming down the stairs.

“If we can be civil there will be no need to tie you up,” Caine informed me but, he still seemed to be keeping his distance.

What did Caine know about being civil ?

I was staring daggers into Rhett but he appeared indifferent.

“Now, Juliana do not be upset with Mr. Clark-- he made the right decisions. He has his priorities right. ” Caine approached me and I stayed rooted in the ground fear running through me.

“What are you going to do to me ?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“Well you  know, I was about to go to a benefit tonight to help the United Light cause financially but, I know something that may help our cause a little bit better. . .  martyrdom. You'd be surprise the sense of community and faith it creates.”

He walked back to one of the TL’s and took the gun of his belt. I quickly ran as far away from him as possible.

“Go ahead, run” Caine half laughed,” It will make it more realistic when I tell the congregation I found you dead in Mississippi, killed by a defector as you ran for your life. I will also tell the bravery of the Tranquility Light, the young Rhett Clark who killed your attacker.”

I looked at the sliver of moonlight coming through and wondered what was going on out there. If my father made it out okay-- if they had managed to leave then what did it matter ? And if they hadn’t  what could I do ?

I went over my own personal checklist.

Sawyer and Elisa already thought I was dead

I had closed things off with Cortland on a somewhat positive note.

Rhett was the real dissenter.

There were no loose strings left—except for the obvious one.

Fear

But, really what would be so terrible about death ? If there was one thing I had learned through this was not to fear the unknown but to embrace it.

Caine lifted the gun and aimed for the middle of my head. I winced as the mental image went through my head of what might happen next but I held my ground.  I held my hands to my side and stared at the wall directly behind him.

“No running ?” he said

I had nothing to run from and even if I did I was not going to give him the pleasure. If my father and everyone made it out than it didn't matter, it was all worth it.

I was sure it would be over quickly--the pain that is.

This was how things were no one to save me --I was cornered in. The door was shut and locked and all of the walls around me where solid and sound proof. No one could get in and no one could certaintly get out.

I held my breath preparing for my last one.

As I let out the breath --like it was happening in slow motion, I saw the bullet—I followed it with my eyes.

And then I was gone